Top 10 of 2010

It's that time of year again. The retrospective look back at the past twelve months - and of course in the standard Top Ten format.

Unfortunately, I wrote the definitive Top Ten List last year so this time I'm actually going to have a topic. And since I didn't officially Air Any Grievances this holiday season:

Top Ten Disappointments of 2010 (although with my memory and attention span it's more like Top 8 Disappointments from the past four weeks and maybe a couple others)

10. Barack Obama. I know he never claimed to be Liberal Jesus - that he was always a compromise seeker and consensus builder. And he did get some stuff done. Still, for a guy who so thoroughly captured the entire world's attention - who truly seemed like a tranformative figure - he certainly didn't seem to be personally involved in pushing forward his agenda. Well except to tell the dirty fucking hippies to grow up and bend over. There's stuff he's done specifically too that will be getting their own numbers.

9. Accountability for G20 violations. On the part of the police. The LEAFS SUCK police separtment has a special watchdog called the Special Investigations Unit. The SIU looked into allegations of use of excessive force during the G20 protests and found clear evidence of it. Reasonable grounds to proceed with criminally investiagting police officers for violating the law. No charges will be laid and no investigation will proceed. Why? Because the police are unco-operative. Let me be as clear as possible on this. There is "reasonable grounds" to believe that excessive force was used - that a crime was in fact committed - and in the case involving Adam Nobody - with a minimum of five police officers present as witnesses. No investigation is being conducted because the police refuse to answer questions. Fuck.

8. The Healthcare Sellout. This still bothers me. And if you've got a problem with that - if you're thinking the words "perfect the enemy of the good", then Fuck You. Hey, all those imperfect flaws that had to be included but could be fixed later on? It's been a year - are there any plans on how those fixes might happen?

7. Mayor Rob Ford. What a fucking farce. A raftload of candidates more qualified and less batshit bugfuck crazy - all imploded. Even when he was gathering steam and the Anyone But Ford sentiment started crystallizing, what happened? The liberal and progressive candidates moved rightwards to copy Rob. Fucking pathetic.

6. The Tax Cut Sellout. Really? The compromise tax cut plan is the Joe The Plumber plan? Fantastic.

5. The Economy. I don't travel much, but this year I got to spend some time in Oklahoma City. North of the border, we weren't hit nearly as hard by the financial meltdown so I didn't have any understanding of how bad it was until I got to Oklahoma. It's a city that's had it's downtown core completely de-populated and then a small theme park dropped in to replace it. just looking at all those stretches of empty store fronts brought it into focus.

4. The continued acceptance of war crimes in the name of protecting the free world from terrorists. Message for you shitfucks with the solitary confinement, sleep disruption and the whole host of other enhanced interrogation techniques - Private Bradley Manning being the current victim de jour. The inhuman monsters that are a threat to civilization? It ain't the "terrorists".

3. Alison was robbed.

2. Something about your mother. Just kidding, your mom never disappoints.

1. The media. Spineless stenographers? Not even. Stenos at least manually enter the stuff that's dictated at them. Jerkwad douchebag fucking shitstains. But to be fair and balanced, some folks feel that it's only most journalists that are complete wastes of sperm as well as goat-fucking baby murderers - and the rest are worse.

Also, WTF is the criteria to get a regular op-ed spot in the top tier newsrags? It is fucking pathetic the bullshit that gets printed on those op-ed pages. Yeah yeah, yelling at clouds - water is wet - can't fight city hall - talking to a wall - &c. Bullshit op-ed pieces are the heart and soul of newspaper fascism and never will it ever eveer change. Still pisses me off though.

iSuck It Apple Users.

No, this isn't about how Apple has so comfortably grown into it's gaint multinational pants, the ones with the exploitation stitching and fuck you lines. This is more about how sometimes, it's Windows that gets it right.

UPDATE: iCan't believe iGot the i in the wrong spot in the title. f1XX0r3d.

Freedom Bombs!

Thanks to ongoing hostilities between Thers and Tintin i have no discovered the rich pile of putrid horrendousness that is the Tea Party Music Video.  And like any good socialist, I am here to spread my suffering.



UPDATE:  It's Tea Party Tiiiiiiii-iiiiiiime!

Cars Big as Bars, Rivers of Gold

Confession Time.  That guy with the horrible taste in music, listened to Top 40 pop radio all the time - who all of a sudden started bugging you to listen to the new band they just discovered?  As if The Pogues were some sort of hidden treasure.  As if you hadn't been listening to Kirsty MacColl since before A New England.  I was that guy.

Well, I don't apologize.  Sure I must have been annoying as hell, but I don't care - Fairytale of New York is a fucking amazing song.  And sure it's not particularly representative of the work of Shane McGowan - but without Fairytale, I may never have discovered The Sick Bed of Cúchulainn.

Anyways, since it's Christmas Eve babe - I thought I'd piss off you Pogues purists some more with a bastardized cover.  I don't fucking care if it's not "as good" as Shane and Kirsty, I love this version.

Haislip Update

She's still not the new co-host, but apparently successfully punching a shark in the face has lost some of it's cachet.

Dragan Stevic of Serbia is the new Egyptian hero who killed a large shark which had previously terrorized numerous tourists (injured 4 and killed 1)...explained that Dragan had decided to go to the beach for a swim after a long night of drinking...climbed on the jumping board, told me to hold his beer and simply ran to jump... straight on the shark which was lurking near the beach, probably looking for its next victim. Dragan had nailed it right in the head, killing it instantly... At the moment, the fearless hero is in a hospital recovering from alcohol poisoning.

Wow.  An inspiration to drunks everywhere.

Sunday Audition: Hey Sailor

The United States has made a grave mistake with the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.  This is not only a serious impediment to the efficacy of the military but also goes against everything the nation stands for.

Much has already been made of the issue of unit cohesion and the very real possibility of front-line marines being distracted at critical moments and having their legs removed.  I mean, how effective can a fighting force be without legs?  Sure the Army will still be able to advance, since it marches on its stomach, but the enemy will be able to stop the most powerful military force in history just by building some stairs.

But more importantly, the repeal of this policy will lead to a lower quality of soldier.  Currently gay soldiers are serving, but are doing so while obeying the order to conceal their sexuality.  Being able to repress your personal private identity and follow orders are very important skills for servicemen to have, and now they won't be required of the homosexual members of the military.

Note that repression of one's sexual identity which, as James Amos points out, can not possibly distract anyone.  In fact, that repression and frustration can only lead to greater aggression from the men and women in the armed services.  Additionally, the constant fear of being outed by others is also not distracting, but rather increases perception and awareness of potential dangers.

An all-closeted squad may be the most effective fighting squad ever.

But more than just a means of projecting violence, the military also represents the nation.  And while the potential de-legging of the troops is the paramount issue, thought nust be paid to exactly what this decision says about the United States of America.

The US was founded upon the principles of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness, not Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of a PENIS. [note to self: line for a rainy day - Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Your Mom]  There was a Declaration of Independence not a Declaration of Fabulousness.  Tri-corner hats?  Not fashionable.

As everyone knows, there are no atheists in foxholes.  This carries over back at home - it is the Church that is most supportive of the troops.  It is the religious that have the highest regard for military men.  But many religions also view homosexuality as an abomination.  Thus, allowing gays to openly serve is religious persecution.

President Obama needs to veto the repeal of DADT.  It is the wrong decision, not only for the present but for the future as well.  If we start letting proud homosexuals serve in the military, who will be next?  Dolphins? Cats?

UFC Hitchens-Douthat I: Pope’s My Hero v My Dope’s Chemo.

via McGravitas.

Apologies for the misleading post title, this isn't going to be about locking Doohead and Hitch into the Octagon, it's a SRS BZNS (for me at least) look at the hissyfit.  Also too, I do feel like a dirty shitbag for siding with Christopher Hitchens on this, the bloodthirsty warmongering jackhole, but Ross Doohead is pretty impressive in his ability to be RONG.

So, here's the Doodoohead column wherein Ross rises to gallantly defend the honour of Benny Ratzo, Pope-in-Distress.  And here are the other two in the series.  There's also some pathetically pathetic defense of Tea Party Extremism, and man is it ever pathetic, but I'll leave it to others to tear apart Ross' "I know you are but what am I" argument.  It's the heretical position of demeaning the Catholic Church that really grinds Doohead's gears.

Okay, here's Ross proclaiming Victory:

He starts with a justifiable sense of outrage, and then proceeds to embrace sweepingly manichaean and essentially fictive narratives about evil in high places.

With each underlined bit linking to their respective  "de-bunking" columns.

Sweepingly manichaean.
OMG! Extreme responses are prompted when we're discussing the systemic sexual abuse of children!  Teh Horrars!

Ross' column doesn't do much to debunk Hitch's claims.  Sure Kiesle had already been tried for tying up and molesting the two children, but well about that here's Ross on it:

He pleaded no contest in a California court in 1978, years before the laicization issue reached the Vatican, and was sentenced to three years probation for “lewd conduct.” (The light sentence should serve as a reminder that it wasn’t only Catholic authorities who failed to take stern measures against abusers in that era.)

Really.  Really?  I suppose the fact that Rome was apprised of the situation had nothing to do with the light sentence.  I suppose the fact that the Vatican had no influence on the investigation or proceedings.  I suppose that even without the involvement of the man who now wears the pointiest mitre of all, that Kiesle would have been allowed to plead "no contest" to a misdemeanor for the incident - a charge so minor that it was expunged from his record.

Hitchens has taken offense at the Catholic Church's treatment of Kiesle, someone known to them as a child molester and whom Ratzinger insisted remain ordained, and you have this minor quibble with his presentation which amounts to bupkes.  Because really Ross, had the investigation into Kiesle been started by the cops instead of the Vatican, or if Rome's influence under the guidance of Ratzinger hadn't been applied - do you really believe that what you acknowledge as a ridiculously light sentence would have been levied?  I suppose too that had Kiesle been convicted of a more serious charge of child molestation - it wouldn't have affected his access to minors later on in his life - when the further abuses occurred.  Hitchens' point here isn't that hard to understand - and your nitpicking misses the point completely.

BUT still, since I am a generous Dragon-King, let us throw aside the fact that you are wrong.  Let us consider your erroneus argument under the rules of your own fantasy world.  Hitchens is horribly offended that the Catholic Church did not do more to prevent Kiesle from molesting more children - you think that the blame should also go to other authorities of the day and therefore because of the Law of Conservation of Blame, the Catholic Church isn't in the wrong at all.  I gotta say that this argument is not helping your cause.  Remember that the accusation against the Church is that there is no accountability for wrong-doing, but instead a concerted effort to cover-up and minimize.

Incidentally, your closing 'graf?

For an anti-Catholic polemicist, the sex abuse scandal offers a rich vein of material: Case after case of priestly malfeasance; case after case in which bishops shuffled abusers around rather than removing them from the ministry. It tells you something about Hitchens’ style that he isn’t content with the grimness of the actual record, and feels the need to embellish it with falsehoods.

That the Hitchens' piece you linked does level a number of other accusations - the rape of deaf boys, confidentiality agreements in other rape cases, Cardinal Bernard Law, &c.  Yeah, there definitely is some misrepresentation going on.



Essentially fictive narratives.
Essentially.  That word is doing yeoman's work, it is.  Again, since you are unable to dispute the baasic fact of child molestation by ordained Catholic priests - your second "de-bunking" of Hitchens is more nitpicks:

None of this is true. The letter was not “confidential,” or at least not for long; it was published by the Vatican that same year in the Acta Apostolicae Sedis, the official journal of the Holy See, and it’s been available in English translation since at least 2002.

Your defense is that the letter was not "confidential."  Wow.  Hitchens' is lying because you have issues with his use of "confidential."  And the justification of your objection?
1.  This so-called confidential letter was exposed by the press almost as soon as it was released.
2.  After being publicized in the media, the Church posted it themselves.

Uh, yeah.  You sure got him there.

Ratzinger did not claim that the church had anything remotely like “exclusive jurisdiction” over sex abuse cases. Rather, his letter ... gave the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith “exclusive competence” to handle these accusations.

Man, you are totally PWNing Hitchens here.

Nothing in the document forbade bishops, priests, parents or victims from contacting legal authorities or the press

Except the word "exclusive".  Speaking of which, what does the letter tell Catholics to do when confronted with a child molesting priest?

As often as an ordinary or hierarch has at least probable knowledge of a reserved delict, after he has carried out the preliminary investigation he is to indicate it to the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith...In tribunals established by ordinaries or hierarchs, the functions of judge, promoter of justice, notary and legal representative can validly be performed for these cases only by priests. When the trial in the tribunal is finished in any fashion, all the acts of the case are to be transmitted ex officio as soon as possible to the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.

I certainly don't know how anyone could read that to mean "don't call the cops".  It clear says "The Church Will Take Care Of Their Own" which is totes the same thing.  Right?

...and the letter certainly didn’t threaten excommunication (a word that never appears in the text) for doing so.

Which is then followed by Doohead explaining Crimen Sollicitationis.  Which is odd, since as a good Catholic, Doohead should know that the pontifical secret cited in the letter is covered in the 1974 Instruction of secreta continere, which carries penalties up to and including automatic excommunication and applies to anything the Pope says it does, such as the letter Hitchens is talking about.

Finally, the issue of the statute of limitations.  Well, I guess it isn't fictive, essentially or otherwise, since both Douthat and Hitchens agree on the length of time the Papal Instruction written by Ratzinger holds authority (ten years from the victims 18th birthday).  Ratzinger's letter outlines the Papal Instruction giving a special committee "exclusive competence" over adjudicating sexual abuse of minors and puts all proceedings under secreta continere which carries the threat of excommunication.  If that Papal Instruction deters a member of the Church from reporting said crime to the civil authorities then Hitchens is exactly right.  But Ross doesn't think that the Papal Instruction would do anything of the sort, depite his acknowledgement of the many many times the Church has made efforts to cover-up sex abuse scandals.  Therefore Hitchens is a horrible lying monster.  At least Ross is right in that - Hitchens is a horrible lying monster, just not for the groundless reasons Douthat is all riled up over.

I Can't Believe They Didn't Go With The Girl Who Successfully Punched A Shark In The Face

Most of y'all probably don't want to bear with me on this post.  It is purely for my own indulgence.


Earlier this week, G4's AOTS announced their new permanent co-host, Candace Bailey.  She'll be replacing Olivia Munn who you may have seen as the new Asian Correspondent on The Daily Show.

Fan reaction has been predictable - G4 is a niche station and AOTS has a cultish following, so it's no surprise that Team Haislip has freaked the fuck out about this.  We're talking nerd-drama on the Han Shot First scale.  And people who care about the killing of Greedo, that's basically the core audience of AOTS, so this is a pretty bad decision.

It's not that Candace Bailey sucks or anything.  Her first few shows were pretty brutal, but she picked up the pace and tone of the program pretty quickly.  The problem is that she's not really a gamer - and the show is done live so good scripting is going to cover her disconnect from the audience only so far.

Olivia wasn't a gamer either and certainly Candace has the potential to be as funneh as the Munn, but Olivia has something that Candace doesn't.  Unmitigated sex appeal.  Olivia Munn is hawt in ways that make people feel funny in their pants, Candace Bailey instead is cute as a button.  It doesn't quite compare.

Actually, the show has been essentially test driving a series of young women for co-hosting duties including a bunch of non-gamers.  And while Candace is the least sexy of the bunch, she was probably the best choice from that group in that she has the ability to do more than just have nice tits.  So G4 could easily have made a worse decision.

The problem is that they didn't pick one of the actual gamers they could have - or at least someone steeped in gamer culture.  Milynn Sarley is the real deal and would have been a great choice.  Then there's Chobot.  Holy fucking shit would that have worked fantastically well.  I suspect that more than half of AOTS' audience has already masturbated to fantasies about Jessica Chobot.  Actually, I suspect that more than half of AOTS' audience is currently masturbating to fantasies about Jessica Chobot.  Either of these two would have been better choices for the gig.  Unless you have the same feelings about masturbation that Christine O'Donnell has.  Incidentally, if you are a gamer who somehow doesn't know who Chobot is, then make sure no one is going to walk into the room you'll be masturbating in and look her up.  Unless you have a thing about being walked in on whilst masturbating - in which case, make sure you get consent from the walker-in person first.

But the real injustice of it all is that they didn't even ask Alison if she wanted a break from living out of a suitcase.  The page announcing the decision is probably the most commented on thing on all of G4 and almost all of the comments are about Alison Haislip.  I mean yeah, you're going to get sour grapes from folks who had their own favourites that they wanted to win - but in this case, everyone's favourite was the same person.

Picking Candace Bailey over Alison Haislip is a huge mistake and grossly unfair.  And not just unfair in the whole Alison Wuz R0BBERED sense, but now Candace is saddled with this metric assload of bad feelings and disappointment.  What a great way to start a new hosting gig!

But the important point is that Alison Was Robbed.  It's fucking bullshit, that's what it is.  They should just can AOTS completely and have Alison on the air from 7 to 8 pm weekdays doing what the fuck ever crosses her mind.  Because seriously, if the G4 demo loves anyone - it's Alison Haislip.

P.S. Alison Haislip RULES!

Update - as MB has pointed out, a post about a whole bevy of young teevees ladies really is screaming for a messload of pics.  Well since we're talking teevees (niche cable channel variety) we can do one better with the moving pictures.

Here's the new host, Candace Bailey:

Here's a girl with Big Tits in a superhero costume, who has been on Gutfeld's Red Eye show on Fox and thus probably knows Patti Ann Browne:

Milynn Sarley is TheGamerChick on YouTube.  Here's a compilation of her AOTS clips:

No vids for Chobot.  She is easy to find on teh weebles, and if I start searching for her I may end up with chafing.  Well, even more chafing.

And something that I'm sure will please all of my lie-beral anti-military terrorist-sympathizing brethren, Alison Haislip totes PWNing teh US Military:

Open Letter to Matthew Dowd

Matthew Dowd,

In your column from Monday you said

And conversely, I laugh when many progressives celebrate my column and WikiLeaks' release of information because government is some sort of cabal of corporate and authoritarian interests. Don't these same progressives want government more involved in our lives on health care and medical decisions?

I must admit to having had some confusion over this paragraph.  Why would you laugh?  The idea that progressives would like more government involvement (i.e. with health care) seems completely consistent with also wanting greater transparency on government itself.  Progressives wish for government to be more open and accountable.  Progressives want greater risk and threat of secret deliberations and back-room decisions being exposed.  Mistrust of authority as a characteristic of The Left?  That's always been the case.  And is totally in keeping with wanting more government action in general.

Then I realized that you are a fucking idiot.  I had forgotten that moronic shitheads like you think that responsibility should be inveresely proportional to power, despite Peter Parker's Uncle Ben being an old white guy.

Let me try to explain this.  Nobody is Superman, not even the President.  As much as the goal of having a "Government of Laws, Not Men" is a noble aim, that Government of Laws is still staffed by men.  Shit Happens - for example sometimes a bloodthirsty warmongering psychopath manages to get an incurious narcisstic moron elected President and then he goes of to shoot an old man in the face.  Sometimes too, political types try and stuff goverment agencies with ideologues and sycophantic hacks or with the agents of the Big Money that fuels their election campaigns.  Just because a person is elected, that doesn't make them some sort of paragon of virtue.  The President is not a super-hero, he's a politician.  And for Progressives, this is even true of Democratic Presidents.

So, yes.  Progressives understand quite well that things can go wrong.  Sometimes even intentionally wrong.  Where people in authority consciously and actively decide not to follow the rules.  In these cases, us crazy lefties are actually comforted by the idea that there may be a chance that these actions would be revealed.  In fact, the further left you go, the more likely you'll find progressives holding that position regardless of TERRORISM or ISLAMOFASCISTS or COMMIES or BUGABOO OF THE MOMENT!  And, the more that government actors are bound by the threat of the public finding out what is being done in its name - the more Progressives want them to be doing.  Or conversely, dirty fucking hippies want more government programs and support for the environment and arts and the poor and health care and people in all sorts of distress - a position that matches exactly with having a sceptical view of authority.  We want them to do more AND we don't want them to do it wrong.

Although I understand if not doing things wrong is a tough concept for you to grasp, Matthew.

Sincerely,
Dragon-King Wangchuck

The Dickson Medal for Best Oral Advocacy

Congrats to Paul Alexander - today's King of FAIL.

This story deals involves the death of a two-year old girl - so if you're not up to being depressed by the sorry state of the human condition, here's a link to the proper way to play the PENIS game.

It was exactly seven years ago when a two-year old girl died from the brain injuries she sustained during her beating.  There was a lengthy investigation including wiretapped phone coversations which produced the Crown's killer evidence - vaguely ambiguous confessions of guilt by a distraught woman who recently lost her two year old daughter.  They laid charges and went to trial.  Paul Alexander was on the Prosecution team.

Then they got an unambiguous confession.  From the boyfriend.  Ooops.  The same boyfriend who, in the wiretap recordings, asked the mother if she suspected him of doing anything to the girl.

But apparently in Prosecution Land, you aren't allowed to change your mind or ever admit mistakes - so the show went on.  The boyfriend's confession was declared phony and made-up.  Besides, the confession couldn't be used because of some legal stuff about self-incrimination which I don't understand.  Perhaps it was the system's self-awareness kicking in - I mean considering the quality of the investigation they had, any subsequent work focusing on a new suspect would probably be a waste of resources.

Don't get me wrong - the mother's no saint.  There's even a possibility that she's actually guilty and not merely Prosecution Land guilty.

One year ago, the jury came back deadlocked.  The Prosecution had the option of having the judge determine the verdict, but opted not to.  Probably because of the difference between how judges and juries understand "reasonable doubt" when looking into the murder of an infant.

So the Crown got a do-over, which was in the process of winding up when the jury sent a note to the judge.  The note asked if the annoyingly distracting man in the gallery could be removed.  Apparently there was this guy sitting immediately in the front row, who was making faces and rolling his eyes and acting like a total Dickson Medal winner.  Paul Alexander.  In civvies.  Sitting in the audience, as in not part of the Prosecution team.  Still trying to influence the trial by acting like an idiot and suceeding to the point where he managed, on his very own, to get another mistrial declared.

It's been half a decade since charges were laid and now we've had two mistrials.  Prosecution wants another do-over, which is pretty fucking rich considering they literally have no one to blame for this except for someone employed by the Crown.

In another case involving jury issues, Gillian Guess was convicted of obstructing justice for boinking the accused in a trial where she was on the jury.  In her conviction, the definition and meaning of obstruction of justice was discussed:

The offence of attempting to pervert the course of justice has been authoritatively defined, in this court and elsewhere, as "the doing of some act which has a tendency and is intended to pervert the administration of public justice".

There's certainly a whole lot less reasonable doubt about Paul Alexander's guilt of obstructing justice than there is in the case he's so desperate for a conviction on - but only one of these cases is ever going to trial.  Which is a shame because then we could expect some guidelines on proper behaviour for Crown attorneys in a court of law.

With regard to Mr. Alexander, I guess he should probably stick to fluffing what he's good at.  His oral skills may be exceptional, but his acting is so over-the-top and unbelievable that it distracts from the action.

UPDATED (bonus actually added - (update 2 and deleted from where it shouldn't have been)) BONUS for SMcG: Paul Alexander's VANOC blog.

Sunday Audition: Who Benefits From All This Junk?

The rallying cry of the week - Don't Touch My Junk.  There have been ll sorts of responses to the incident, from outrage at the TSA's degrading and humiliating procedures to support for the minor inconveinence that is proven to make all of America over nine thousand percent safer.

And it's not just the TSA that's been commented on recently, John Tyner the man who taped his encounter with the attempted enhanced patdown has ben hailed as a hero for personal rights as well as a bothersome troublemaker.  In fact, the deranged fringe leftest of the left hold him up as a symbol of the entitled chauvinist society they love to disparage, by pointing out that women, especially large breasted ones, children and minorities have been undergoing these types of outrages for years.

But the one group that has escaped speculation in this case is probably the group that bears the most blame.  High-speed rail advocates.

Whenever situations like this arise, the first question that should come to mind is "Who Benefits?" and the obvious answer is mass transit activists.  Every single indignity forced upon air travellers, from taking off their shoes and not travelling with toothpast or shampoo to choosing between posing for naked photos or being groped and fondled by a stranger.  Each and every one of these serves to bolster the support for a network of high-speed rail.

And consider also, these screening techniques have always been implemented in response to a terror attack.  The shoe-bomber forced us to stand around in socks at airport screening.  The tranatlantic liquid explosives plot cost us the freedom to bring fluids in our carry-ons.  And this latest assault on a persons and privacy is the result of the Christmas underpants bomber.  And while the grand total of damages directly caused by those attacks were that Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab burned his crotch - these were all very serious incidents.

The evidence couldn't be more clear.  Train advocates are terrorists.

World Toilet Day 2010

Today is World Toilet Day.  This is actually a serious thing, with an awareness raising campaign called The Big Squat and everything.  I found out about World Toilet Day too late to set-up a Big Squat of my own, but I can blog about it.

First, yeah - a serious thing - what with thousands of children dying daily from poor sanitation.  There's a cholera outbreak in Haiti right now.  Poor sanitation affects the weakest of us most - children, the elderly, the disenfranchised, girls and women in patriarchal societies.  There's a Donate link at worldtoilet.org, but if that's too cheeky an organization for you, just google "sanitation aid" or "sanitation ngo" for places to dump your spare change.

Secondly, okay - that's the moral part out of the way.  This blog isn't about making the world a better place or easing suffering or any feel-good shit.  It's about juvenile humour and whatever catches my easily captured attentio...oooohhh SHINY!

Uh - yeah, one of the issues about sanitation is that it's a taboo topic in a lot of places.  People don't talk about it out of embarassment or societal pressure or wevs.  Well that's one area where I can be of help.  I don't get embarassed easily and have difficulty understanding societal pressure.  So I'm going to use the rest of this post space to - as Willow Palin would put it - talk shit.

SPACE POOP.
MAIL POOP.
AGRO POOP.
COFFEE POOP.
By the light, of the silvery POOP.
And of course, PENIS.

Animal Sex With Isabella Rossellini

via Boing Boing

I learned something new about my hometown. All the PENISes that Isabella Rossellini used in her animal sex pr0n came to be displayed here in LEAFS SUCK.

We did an exhibit at the Royal Museum in Toronto, which is a museum of natural history. And then they were taken by a new museum called the Lightbox, which is a museum of visual art. It has taken all of our penises, 22 different penises, some of which are six or seven feet tall. They asked us, they wanted it to be kept so we gave it to them.

It's actually the Royal Ontario Museum. The ROM is an interesting building as it has been expanded many times in it's near hundred year history - the latest of which was the Michael Lee-Chin Crystal. The building now looks like a normal stodgy old early twentieth century institutional structure with a bizarre science-fiction-y growth. Plus it's full of dinosaurs!

image by Gisling [GFDL (www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], from Wikimedia Commons

The Little Paper Tht Grew Like a Cancer

FailBlog reminds me that we have shitty newspapers up here in LEAFS SUCK too.

Bonus: I didn't know that FailBlog had a spinoff for Win. So as a palate cleanser for the potential serial rapist joke, here's something we all like putting in our mouths - PENIS.

Eat My Shorts

A lot of electrons have died for commentary about the catfood commission report. Some insightful things have been said - about stuff like how the "middle class" is getting screwed and how the rich will make out like bandits. About how you get stupid ass shit like the Bowles-Simpson report when you ask moronic idjits like Bowles and Simpson to do stuff. SRSLY, the way to reduce the deficit is with tax cuts? WTF?!?

Anyways, here's the part that really got me riled up:

But the plan would not count Social Security savings toward the overall deficit-reduction goal that Mr. Obama set for fiscal year 2015, reflecting the chairmen’s sensitivity to liberal critics who have complained that Social Security should be fixed only for its own sake, not to help balance the nation’s books.

IOW, Bowles and Simpson are suggesting massive cuts to Social Security - not for deficit reduction, which was nominally their mandate - but because of Fuck You, You Dirty Fucking Apes.

I'm Sorry.

As a resident of LEAFS SUCK, please allow me to say that I am very sorry.

UPDATE: For teh Malignant and others who missed out and the wonderous awesomeness that is Lake Shore.

I'm Terribly Surprised Too.

Generally speaking, I have a great deal of respect for Talking Pants Marshall. D00d is actually doing it and not just grousing and making do with the snarky commentary like some lazy ass bloggers who don't update very often*.

But even the folks we have regard for can sometimes do shit that's pretty sad. For example, here he tries the snarky commentary bit.

It is indeed surprising that other folks have confirmation bias. Whereas Josh knows that there is no message that can be read from Tuesday's election results. GOP overperformed in the House and underperformed in the Senate. Major Tea Party candidates got thrashed but without their energy the GOP couldn't have done as well as they did. It was an election of contradictions. Exactly like he'd been predicting in the weeks leading up to it.

Now it's possible that as the campaign was drawing to a close, Josh didn't believe that Tuesday was going to be undefinitive and impossible to read. It's possible he was playing up the uncertainty because he runs a news site and uncertainty is good for page views. I don't think that view makes him look any better.

*Note, despite the recent burst of activity - I am not participating in National Win A Prize For Blogging Everyday Month.

QOTD: Harry, That Was Tight.

From the Senate Majority Leader.

I’ve had some tight races, but this wasn’t one of them.

Snap. It's true too, in '98 he beat John Ensign by something like four hundred votes. He beat Sharron by forty thousand. This wasn't even a close race.

2010 Peri-Mortem

Krystal Ball got smoked 2 to 1. This was my most off preditction, as I thought it might be.

House is going to be minimum 238 R. That's my second most off prediction.

Senate. I forgot about Murkowski. I'm going to count her as an R. So the results are 51-47, with Washington and Colorado too close to call. Currently they're looking to go one each for 52-48. Had Pennsylvania and Illinois broke the other way... The two close races are close, but they'll have to get closer to drag on to the New Year. Also, since control of the upper house isn't in question, the stakes aren't that high.

Harry Reid. The press should write your obituary more often. Cookie 4 Me on that one. Which brings us to the Coven of Crazy Ladees. O'Donnell, Angle and Demon Sheep Fiorina. All defeated. iCarly has the honour of also belonging to the triumvirate of woman who would buy their seats. Whitman and McMahon also defeated. Other than Senate control, these five contests are a silver lining in an otherwise really bad night.

As for Prop 19, 55-45 isn't even close. I was way wrong on that call. But I'm one to look on the bright side of life - Prop 19 opponents were way better funded. And the Prop 19 base of under 25's was way too stoned to go out and vote. It's a good thing that Boxer and Brown didn't need those youth votes - you punks oughta be ashamed. And STAY OFFA MAH LAWN.

So, a bad night for the Democrats who did much worse than I predicted but slightly better than the mainstream projections. But the interesting thing is that it was also a bad night for the Tea Party. Sure they got Rand Paul, but they lost a shit-ton too. Joe Miller with the GOP nomination and Palin campaigning for him, was beat by a write-in campaign. In Alaska, the poster-child state of entitled white d00ds living off of government subsidies - uh I mean rugged individualists. By a write-in campaign. The 55-45 defeat for Prop 19 is also the margin that Arizona's Prop 106 passed by. And yes, the Tea Party platform did get a win there, but 55% support for banning the hated Health Care Reform? In Arizona?

So it looks like the big winner of the night is establishment Republicans. Which means more internecine warfare on the right. SO a victory also too for the popcorn industry.

Prediction 2010

Okay midterm time. Just under 10% unemployment, economy in the shitter, screeching idjits yelling everywhere about keeping government out of Medicare. What's it going to be?

House:
Projections have Dems losing fifty seats or more. I'm an optimist.
Dems 210 to Repubs 223 with 2 seats too close to call and absentee ballots have to be opened. They split one each before the end of the week.
Krystal Ball is still a major underdog but a sentimental favourite so I'm predicting that she'll win even though it's pretty close to hopeless.
Senate:
Dems 51 + Sanders and Lieberman - Repubs 46
One race to go to recount land, but I don't know which one. It gets tied up until the New Year.
Harry Reid keeps his seat. Like I said, I'm optimistic. And probably quite delusional. Still not as delusional as Sharron though.

Prop 19. Gotta keep hope alive. Prop 19 passes and Meg Whitman is crushed by the pot enthusiast turnout. iCarly and the demon sheep are also swept aside by folks who just want to light up. Now all you West Coast stoners, make it happen and DON'T FORGET TO VOTE.

Cockblocked from Anal-yzing

And in the other story that's captured my attention today, your mom's crotchless panties the Update 10:46 AM.

One of the emails Breitbart posted does suggest that the town hall he was invited to participate in is supposed to be broadcast on the air, but ABC spokesman Schneider clarifies that this doesn't mean Breitbart was asked to appear

Wheeee! ABC taps Big Andy to do election Anal-yzing, but is aware that it may be a controversial move, so they jam in weasel language to keep him in the online ghetto. Andy falls for it and starts preening about his role as an Anal-yst for ABC (Asses, Butts and Cabooses). No one could have predicted that people would be upset! Including the ABC Newsroom. ABC pushes the EJECT button on Big Andy and cockblocks him from any Anal-yzing.

Fantastic. Andy gets totes screwed over by ABC's careful use of misleading language. The poetic justice is scrumptious.

Uh - Okay, I Forgot to Title the Post.

HOLY FUCK. Set your stupid-ass bullshit blockers to max folks, this one's a humdinger.
Althouse's latest post is part of one of the batch of next conservative blog putrage. Apparently Obama is practically Nixonian in his keeping of an enemies list. Proof? Check it out.

House Republican Leader John Boehner plans to hammer President Obama during an election-eve rally on Monday night, for his use of the word “enemies” during an interview with Univision radio that got huge play in the conservative blogosphere.

OMG! Obama's all about teh ENEMIES of TEH STATE! TOTALITARIAN SOJALLESMASM!!one!

The president said: “If Latinos sit out the election instead of saying, ‘We’re gonna punish our enemies, and we’re gonna reward our friends who stand with us on issues that are important to us’ — if they don’t see that kind of upsurge in voting in this election — then I think it’s going to be harder. And that’s why I think it’s so important that people focus on voting on November 2nd.”

Uh- wait, that doesn't sound so bad.

In remarks prepared for delivery to a rally in Cincinnati with Rob Portman, the GOP nominee for Senate in Ohio, and John Kasich, the GOP nominee for Ohio governor, Boehner says:

“Ladies and gentlemen, we have a president in the White House who referred to Americans who disagree with him as ‘our enemies.’...Mr. President, there's a word for people who have the audacity to speak up in defense of freedom, the Constitution, and the values of limited government that made our country great. We don't call them ‘enemies.’ We call them ‘patriots.’”

There you have it. Not voting is PATRIOTIC.

UPDATE: Kudos to Althouse commenter Irene who points out that Althouse has cried about this Wolf before.

The pattern apparently is: Obama does something (encourages Latinos to vote, talks directly to CEO's of major corporations instead of their Special Interest Group, &c.). It upsets a Republican who then mischaracterizes it as some sort of "ENEMIES LIST". Althouse calls Obama Nixon. I think she must have a Google Alert for "Obama enemies list".

Sunday Audition: Halloween is Not Christmas

The trees are turning colours signalling the end of October again, but that icy chill in the wind isn't just a sign of the coming winter months.  It is an icy cold harbinger of the downfall of modern civilization as we know it.  It is Halloween.

Halloween, the ideological opposite to Christmas.  A time when children around the world are praising Satan instead of Jesus.  Children are dressing themselves as demons and monsters and witches, revelling in the supernatural instead of looking forward to a visit from a jolly magical elf and his flying reindeer.

This widespread acceptance of evil creatures of darkness is manifesting itself even beyond the bounds of the most Satanic night of the year.  For example, World of Warcraft - a game played by over ten million people, allows the player to be a demon summoning Warlock or to join the ranks of the Undead.  The television series Buffy the Vampire Slayer started off with a plucky heroine fighting the forces of darkness, but as the series progressed she took into her close knit circle vampires, witches, werewolves and demons.  Judging them by their false actions and not by their evil natures as defined by the race they were born into.  Worse, the easy acceptance of manifest evil has lead to people actually being willing to vote for beastial monsters such as the one occupying the Oval Office.

And it is not mere symbolism that differentiates the holidays.  The one aspect of Halloween that everyone knows is the giving of candy to kids.  Bribing them to enjoy the holiday as opposed to Christmas where there are no bribes for children.  And candy is full of calories.  All that candy encourages the cardinal sin of Gluttony.  Christmas, as a good Christian tradition, shuns Gluttony in all forms.  And the costumes and disguises meant ot conceal the childrens identities.  Unlike Christmas where we spend time with our closest loved ones and never have any reason to conceal our feelings or emotions.

When presented with Darkness and Light, we must choose Light. But Darkness is so easy and so alluring. To create Light, one must Work and Strive and Produce - but Darkness only requires that we shut our eyes to the Truth. And so Darkness claims the weak. We call these weak ones Democrats.

And these weak and Lazy Democrats have the sheer audacity to Fight a War on Christmas. Declaring open hostilities against the Holiest Day of the Year. Oppressing and Lynching all Good Christians who merely wish other a "Merry Christmas" instead of "Seasons Greetings". Most likely in an effort to promote their Unholy Abomination of a holiday - Halloween.

And that is why we should put an end to Halloween.  For it is only the generous and forgiving Christians that have the ability to put a stop to this threat to the most important day of all.  Merry Christmas.

Tiger Suit

So I've been listening to the new KT Tunstall for a while now.  I'm still not entirely sure what I think about it.  It's very familiar, but also very new - at the same time.  I do know that I like it a helluva lot.

For me Eye to the Telescope was pretty damned awesome on the first listening and improved over time.  The two big singles are both amazing songs that rock hard and have killer hooks and were my early favourite tracks - eventually supplanted by Miniature Disasters.  As much as the first album was the "folk" one, it's highlights are mired in rocking baddassery.

Drastic Fantastic didn't grab me as much right away.  There isn't a single from it that's as instant-smash-hit-super-appealing from the first note the way Black Horse and Cherry Tree is - but it grew on my over time.  Especially Hopeless.  Man, that is an awesome song.  A bit ironic that the "pop" album was the one that took me time to fully appreciate.

Tiger Suit is the electronica one.  Sort of.  Anyways, it is still clearly and obviously KT, what with the pop-folk-rockabilly mix.  The writing on the songs is very much in the same vein as before - rife with gripping phrases, both lyrically and musically.how stripped down the singing used yo be.


But this album certainly seems different than the earlier entries.  On the other albums, you could fairly easily imagine all but one or two tracks being performed live by KT and Wee Bastard (the loop pedal).  On Tiger Suit it's pretty much reversed.
 
The other difference is her voice.  The new songs are, on average, more - at least in the sense of vocals.  The almost breaking sound as she slips between registers - that's become pretty common throughout the album.  And while it sometimes seems like extraneous ornamentation - almost gimmicky - if you listen hard, you can hear the reason.  She's emoting more on these new songs, but not in an overblown way.  And while I like this new range of tone, I do miss how simple and stripped down the singing used to be.

And despite my mixed feelings about what has stayed the same and what has changed - I'd still give Tiger Suit a five out of five.  I've listen to the whole thing in order, one song after the next, at least a dozen times in the past couple of weeks.  And I'm still not tempted to skip any tracks.

Here's my current favourite song on the album:

Neüphemism: Apparently Halloween is a Big Night for Witches.

Come on, guys! Let's go! Just throw something on!

still no mba

McArdle.  I don't remember where I read this but it's kinda stuck with me - the best thing about McArdle is that a veritable cottage industry has sprung up with the sole purpose of highlighting how utterly terrible she is.
UPDATE:  It was in the comments section of The Hunting of the Snark.  SRSLY, go read Susan of Texas.  Do it now.

When I first started commenting at Teh Mothership, it was because I was moved to chime in on how ignorant and horrible McArdle was.  Because she is all sorts of ignorant and even more sorts horrible.  She was and still is some sort of anti-muse that causes great works to be created for the sole purpose of ridiculing her.

Anyways, I never got around to becoming a dedicated McArdle basher, but I certainly enjoyed reading stuff from folks like the Malignant One and others at FMM. Susan of Texas in particular writes far better than I could ever hope to.  No SRSLY, go read The Hunting of the Snark - it's a much better blog than this one.

Anyways, I consider myself a sort of amateur connoisseur of McArdle smackdowns - and the latest one from Henry Farrell is a classic.  ME-gan's smug "AHA GOTCHA" finger-waggling tut-tutting of an idiot who is way out of their league is the magic ingredientthat makes this takedown so fantastic.  It's not quite Juan Cole-Jonah Goldberg epicness, but pretty close IMO.  Sure it's a really LOOOONNNNGGGGG post, but you really must read the whole thing.  After you're done with The Hunting of the Snark.

Mayor May Not

Municipal elections for LEAFS SUCK are Monday and we're going to have a new Mayor.  That means the current one is retiring since the pattern appears to be that you don't get voted out of office.

Some history - back in '97, LEAFS SUCK was comprised of five cities and one borough were amalgamated into what is now LEAFS SUCK.  There was some pretty serious opposition to the move - in fact a referendum held on the subject came back at over 75% No.  Anyways, at the time the term "Megacity" was being used because amalgamation would take Toronto's population from 2/3 of a million to over 2 million.

The new Megacity got its first Mega Mayor in Mel Lastman, one of those salesmen who makes a name for his local business by acting like a spectacle.  He continued that trend as Mega Mayor and is remembered mostly for the many episodes of embarassment he brought upon LEAFS SUCK.  Anyways, despite being a huge embarassment he was re-elected for a second term and then retired despite the fact that he probably would have won had he run again.

The next guy, our current mayor, is David Miller.  He's a leftsist enviro Harvard graduate elite hippie intellectual &c. who bikes to work.  He's finishing out his second term and, despite the fact that he would have easily been re-elected, is retiring.

To be fair, apparently the job of Mayor of LEAFS SUCK sucks almost as much as the Leafs do - so running for re-election even once has got to be a major sacrifice.  Our local government is council-strong, executive-weak as just about everything needs council approval.  Gotta be frustrating as the Mayor of LEAFS SUCK has the largest direct mandate in Canada (we have parliamentary governments at the higher levels).

Right now the front-runner is Rob Ford, who was viewed as a joke when he entered the campaign.  At the time he was most famous for holding his council office expenses to zero.  As you've probably already guessed, he's a small government guy running on the magical power of tax cuts.

The opposition consists of Miller's deputy mayor - Joe Pantalone, and George Smitherman who's transitioning down from the Provinical government.  While our municipal elections are party-free, the current crop is basically a Conservative, a Liberal and a New Democrat.

I think the most important lesson learned from this campaign is that "running as an incumbent" is the stupidest fucking advice anyone can give a politician.  Sure incumbents get re-elected a lot, but if you aren't actually the incumbent, it's not going to help you out at all.  Smitherman started this thing with nearly majority support in a field of eight-ish.  He "ran as an incumbent" since he had incumbent-level support in the polls as well as backing from Ontario's Liberal Party Machine. And now he is now trailing.  In fact, a couple weeks ago Rob Ford was out-polling him two to one.  Joe Pantalone, who is the closest thing to maintaining continuity through the mayor's office, has never polled higher than undecided.

I know it goes against all the conventional wisdom of politics, but you have to take positions on things - and do so early on.  This goes even if you take the wrong position because flip-flopping is less damaging than being a total unknown quantity.  Sack up and stand for something, you can always act like a coward and do a one eighty later on.

The other lesson learned is that "Strategic Voting" is basically the entire bag of tricks for the Liberal party.  The only time Smitherman's numbers improved was when Ford opened up a huge lead and the fear of a conservative right-wing hack getting in siphoned support from anyone left of centre.  Ah, Canadian politics.

Video Game Boss Guide

So 1up dropped Scott Sharkey, easily the most interesting personality they had on staff.  He's the guy responsible for the Whiteboard animations - notably that one about monsters that everybody loved so much.  Well anyways, he's got a new Whiteboard up - the first of the post 1up era.

Oh and if you (Sharkey) are reading this - re: new name,
If you want to keep the connection with the older ones you did then you've already got plenty of suggestions with White or Whiteboard attached.  Most of the suggestions seem to be of that sort.  If you're looking to do something new and different than allow me to throw out some ideas.
That's Gonna Leave A Mark
Dry Erase Blues
Tabula Erasa (LOL Garriott!)
Sharkey's Magnificent Extravaganza of Sketches, Commentary and Mind Blowingly Awesome Group Sex*
*Group Sex not available in all audience locales.

Poe or Not Poe - Libertarian Edition

I don't check up on ScienceBlogs regularly so "Poe or not Poe" is new to me and I LOLed when I first saw it at teh Mothership.  Now that the Tea Party has helped blur the lines between fringe RaptureReady™ GodBotherers and fringe RandianUbermann weirdos - I wonder if there's a Poe's Law for small government conservativism.

flagged Steve Benen at Wash Monthly, The Dumbest Libertarian Quote EVAR!!1!one!BlockquotesIsTheft!

"The family should be left to resolve it on their own," Biondolillo said. "Or private enterprise - private companies can contact the family and say, 'We heard you were hitting your kids. Can you stop that?' "

I Don't Think It's Going To Catch On.

In mighty jungle
The Predator stalks his prey
GET TO DA JETPACK

100th

I was going to post a neüphemism from last night's dabbling of witches, but then I found out that this is going to be Post 100.  After missing the anniversary, I figure I ought to do something to mark this momentous occasion.  How about some random indy Canuckistani music?

We'll start with something French, so you'll know it's really Canoodle-ite and then just roll on from there.








Oh and BTW, LEAFS SUCK's municipal elections are in less than two weeks and things are looking pretty grim, notably on the transit front.  So in order to pay respects to the LEAFS SUCK Transit Commission, here's an old classic.

That's So Gay, Totes Heterosexually Of Course.

So just a few days ago, there was this discussion at teh Mothership about using "gay" as an insult.  Joe Max mentioned this Wanda Sykes ad which totally defines the issue (except for the fact that the chef in question was totes gay, as in faggy faggy fag gay).

Later, I checked out some vids on the It Gets Better Project.  I'm not going to lie to you, so I won't say that I wasn't on the verge of tears watching some of those vids.

See the thing about privilege, about entitlement, is that you are unaware of the advantages - that you take for granted your position of not being discriminated against.

Speaking of Dan Savage, this is reminiscent of the time he had to stop making fun of Trig.  Leotarded.  That was the word he switched to.  For a guy who is normally adept at the words and their usingness in sentences - for meaning conveyability maximization - leotarded is pretty weak shit.

Anyways, what I'm getting to is that, yeah - I| use "gay" as an insult.  And so do a lot of others.  And gay people have way more on their plates to deal with than the frivilous use of "gay" to mean dumb or stupid or wevs.  But just because that's the way things are, doesn't mean that it's the way things ought to be.

So I am going to make the effort to stop calling things gay - except if those things actually are gay.  Gay as in homosexual or as in stereotypically campy homosexual (like the chef from the Sykes ad).

On a related note - I'm not going to use the word "cocksucker" as an insult.  SRSLY, this world needs more cocksuckers.  If more cocks got sucked, there'd probably be a whole lot less unhappiness.

I think you can guess where I stand on "motherfucker".  This one's easier since "motherfucker" has become much less an insult since it got so intimately associated with the adjective "badass".

I'm going to stop now because I don't want to talk myself out of the other half of my entire vocabulary.

Peering Into the Krystal Ball

If I could have any one thing this upcoming midterm election - it would be the election of Krystal Ball. Yes, her name is Krystal Ball - blame her dad Ed, fucking physicists and their obsessive fixations on regularly ordered lattice structures. And yes, her politics and mine don't exactly line up - she's a card carrying NRA member and I'm not particularly enthusiastic about businesspeople/entrepeneurs that decide to take up politics.

BUT, there are now some racy photos of her from a costume party floating around the interweebs. And my endorsement isn't due to the fact that she's hawt in that bored housewife playing at being naughty but not really understanding the explosively charged realm of hedonistic debauchery she's getting into kinda way (PS tell your mom I said Hi!). It's because of her response to having photos of her playing with a dildo released to the weebs.

I have a message for any young woman who is thinking about running for office and has ever attended a costume party with her husband or done anything stupid on camera. Run for office. Fight for this country. Don’t let this sort of tactic deter you. Of course, I am embarrassed by these photos,that was the whole point of these political operatives when they put them up. But more than just embarrassed, I’m angry! I’m angry that when we are suffering from high unemployment, record budget deficits and a broken education system, that crass political operatives will resort to the politics of personal destruction when they can’t talk about the issues.

w00t! That's even hotta than that pic with you and the sexy nurse tongueing the silver pocket vibrator.

UPDATE:  MB has pointed out that I'm treating this blog like it's delivered by truck as opposed to a series of tubes.  Text-only on a post like this?  Whooops.  Anyways (from the Gawker link above), this is Krystal Ball:

Teh Obion County Fire

So anyways, teh Obion County Fire. I'm sure we all know the story: Guy doesn't pay his $75 annual subscription fee, his house catches fire, the Fire Department lets it burn. Libertarians and right-wing nutjobs continue to display there utter lack of humanity by saying it was teh right thing to do [no link, I'm sure you can find plenty on your own].
Anyways, I made my position on it pretty clear at the Mothership.

As it turns out, it's been a pretty bad week for "compassionate" conservatism, with the Tea Party coming out against animal cruelty. This is related because as it happens, there were three dogs and a cat in that Obion County house.

I guess in Right Wing World, the horrifically cruel deaths of house pets is a small price to pay to keep them Cranicks from spongeing off their neighbours. Or rather, in the light of the Cranick's offer to pay whatever cost there was - what was really saved was an opportunity to be smugly judgemental and condescending towards a family just after they've lost everything.

Neüphemism: Christine O'Donnell Loves Meatballs

What more to say? The girl denied herself spiritual enlightenment because she loves to to have meat in her mouth.

UPDATE: Apparently Christine O'Donnell isn't just calling from inside the house, she's calling from inside your self. But wait - if Christine O'Donnell is "you" and you aren't allowed to have sex with yourself - did she just flush her Rich Lowry Starburst vote down teh toilet?

Sunday Audition: O Say Can You CNN

Rick Sanchez is no longer with CNN. This a mere one day after implying that The Jews Control All Media. Clearly this is a case of anti-semitism - but not by Rick Sanchez. This is yet another example of the anti-semitism of CNN.

CNN clearly has a history of being totally fine with racist bigots on staff, so why was did this cause Sanchez to lose his job? Well, it's all a plot by CNN. After all, what better way to spread the idea that The Jews Control All Media than by immediately firing someone who dared to say so on camera.

In fact, it would not be surprising to find that CNN, as part of their jihadist plans, arranged the whole charade with Sanchez well in advance - and that Rick Sanchez is living it large on his extremely generous "severance package".

Furthermore, this is all part of a greater conspiracy to scare the entire world into keeping quiet about Jon Stewart. That is how this all started - with Sanchez making the clear and obvious observation that Jon Stewart is a bigot.

So beware all you television commentators - criticize Jon Stewart at your own peril. He has an army of anti-semitic network executives ready to have you fired.

P.S. - Speaking of CNN, and since even Big Breitbart won't do it, let me say a few words in James O'Keefe's defense - Abbie Boudreau is pretty frickin' hot.

Neüphemism - Dabbling in Witchcraft

Dabbling in witchcraft is okay just so long as you don't join a coven.

Here's an interesting quote from Wade Richards:

What helped me really come to grips was that her sister is an open lesbian...

I guess Wade wasn't paying attention. Coming to grips is just as bad as joining a coven. That's probably why the un-gaying didn't stick.

Eddie, are you OKC?

So anyways, I was in Oklahoma City this past week. Quite an experience.

Stayed at the hotel connected to the convention centre which is right next to Bricktown. Bricktown is a pretty nice place - reminds me a bit of LEAFS SUCK's own Distillery District. And if you stayed in Bricktown, you might get the feeling that Forbes was right back in ought eight. In fact, I ended up walking past the massive construction zone for the new Devon Energy skyscraper to take a look at the Arts District and Film Row.

That's when the mask fell off. I went out along Sheridan (after wandering through the parking garage to get past the cranes) and back along Main. That part of the city is dead. It's just one empty building after another. Commercial real estate utilization might have been as high as 10%. It was surreal, like an episode of the Twilight Zone or that weird 80s New Zealand movie.

And then I noticed that a whole generation of folks was missing. Everyone I saw was either a grey haired senior or some youngster whom I'm glad was a thousand miles away from mah lawn. Creepy. I guess everyone between 25 and 60 was at home raising their families.

It was distrubing, to say the least, to see a city of half a million people pretending that nothing's wrong. Telling themselves that everything's fine and look at that new construction! when it's really all gone off the rails. And it's really depressing to see how others are looking at it. I mean, either ignoring the problem is working - or Oklahoma City really is one of the bright spots in the US economy.

Neüphemism - Tapping the Phone.

So nice of Biden to tap Christine O'Donnell's phone, considering her position on tapping your own phone.

Other M-nivesaries

<sotto voce> Sure has been a while. Be warned that the following post jumps around all over the place like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.</sotto voce>

Well here we are on the anniversary of the day that everything changed. Hard to believe that it's been nine years already. Almost a full decade since America went stone cold cuckoo.

This post was going to be about that bugfuck crazee Koran burning cult, but then I realized that that guy was so nutso-whoohoo-ooga-booga-boo that even the Pammycakes thinks it's a dumb idea. Anyways, d00d's totally chickened out.

So the whole thing got me to thinking about anniversaries. Tomorrow this blog will be one year and one week old - meaning I'm late in acknowledging my own blog's birthday.

What was I doing Sept. 5, 2010 instead of some Cookie 4 Me self-congratulatory wanking? I could have lorded my big scoop over teh Mendacious one and acted like an arrogant jerk in the face of his gracious acknowledgement of my pot-smoking bear following skillz. A full week after the fact...

What could I have possibly been doing that was more important than patting myself on the back?

I was playing Metroid. Actually, on the fifth I was finishing the story mode of Metroid: Other M.

How is it? Well, I'd give it about an 80% - same as Metacritic. Why am I talking about it? Well, I'm actually using it as a launching pad for a discussion about gender - mostly with respect to this review (also the video version which is basically the same - but with Morgan Webb's voice).

SPOILERS AHEAD

When, the spoilers aren't immediately ahead - but they'll be following and I felt that I ought to give fair warning.

Maybe it's that, as a guy - I just don't get it. That's the whole thing about privilege - you don't realize you're wallowing in it because it's just a part of who you are. But SRSLY - WTF. I mean, it's not like these reviewers are reviewing their first ever video game. It's not like they raised Abbie Heppe in some sort of cultural vaccuum before letting her at Metroid. It's not like G4 didn't nominate a game where offing prostitutes rewards the player with cash and health for Game of the Year.

So let's get to the point - G4 didn't like Other M because apparently Samus Aran is a whiny crybaby. ORLY? Wot game were they playing? Because I don't think it was Metroid.

Firstly, and this is their own first big sticking point - in all Metroid games Samus gains powers as the game progresses, meaning that she needs to not have them at the beginning. In Other M, she starts off with all of them, but opts to not use them. Presumably in order to keep the guys in the Galactic Federation squad she's hooked up with happy. You know, this seems a helluva lot more "Gender Issues Progressive" than the usual approach of having her stripped of her powers by some outside force. Here she chooses not to bust out the Plasma or Ice Beam or Missiles or whatever. It's something Samus decides to do on her own.

But wait - the only reason she's doing it is to make some guy happy. Except of course - that "some guy" happens to be the commanding officer of a military squad. I guess expecting Samus to co-operate with anyone - despite the fact that she has done so throughout the series of games - is too much of a stretch. I guess that having your main character decide to voluntarily limit her behaviour when working with representatives of the military is some variety of bad writing.

Of course that "some guy" also happens to be Samus' surrogate father figure - and the lady has some serious daddy issues. Clearly writing a female main character with daddy issues is some sort of sexist insult to women everywhere. I mean it's not like she's Starkiller or Kratos or Solid Snake or Fox McCloud. SRSLY G4, if you have a problem with Samus having "daddy issues", then your problem isn't with Other M - it's with action entertainment in general. Wait - there's also the Prince from Katamari, so it's not limited to just folks who kill the ever loving crap outta people (although the Prince does kill a lot of people). And it's not like she has daddy issues because her father would only lavish her with material gifts instead of actual approval - it's because she was violently orphaned as a child. SRSLY, Space Pirates killed her parents and she's gotten revenge on them in every Metroid game including completely destroying a couple of planets in oprder to do it - and NOW you have a problem with her "daddy issues"? W. T. F.

Okay, any of you still with me? Especially those of you of the BOOBIES gender? Here's the part where I show off either how smart I are, or how unthinkably out of touch I am.

So the difference between Samus and those other icons of unresolved issues with their fathers is that Samus recognizes it. In one of the cutscenes she acknowledges the difficulties she has with Adam and how they are related to her daddy issues. And herein, I think, is the part that makes Metroid: Other M one of those post-feminist whatchamacallits. That there are differences between men and women, including things like women generally being in touch with their own motivations outside of immediate gratification (although that's not to say that women aren't into immediate gratification as well - as your mom has shown me on oh so many occassions).

One of the criticisms about Samus Aran being some sort of feminist symbol is that it didn't matter whether a man or woman was inside the Powersuit - that her gender was nothing more than a gimmick. Maybe so, but that's the feminist argument - that gender shouldn't make a difference.

But of course, gender does make a difference. Gender is part of our identity - and self-identification is one of those important things that we're all supposed to respect now. And maybe I'm totally off-base here, but isn't that what Other M has actually accomplished? A totally kick-ass action hero that has feminine qualities other than on her chest.

Then again, maybe the problem isn't that she's at least marginally emotionally self-aware, it's with how she acknowledges it - the use of the words "Confession Time". Well here's a newsflash for Abbie Heppe and Morgan Webb and all the other Samus h8rs - there's at least one very manly man that uses the phrase Confession Time with some regularity. And if you doubt my manliness - well just ask your mom.

Confession Time - the reason I'm partial to this phrase is probably related to some sexual fantasy I have involving your mom and a confessional.

I'm a Guitar Slinging Demon

via Radio 3

Further evidence of police incompetency.

Busting a marijuana grow-op is fairly routine for police in B.C.’s West Kootenay region. But when RCMP raided a grow-op near the tiny town of Christina Lake recently, they found what they say was an unusual security contingent – a troop of black bears.

Officers were “a little shocked” to discover 10 bears prowling the property like live “traps” waiting to greet intruders, said RCMP spokesman Corporal Dan Moskaluk.

Officers went about their work “cautiously,” said Corp. Moskaluk, but quickly realized the bears were quite mellow.

No doubt they were mellow. Heh.

There was no evidence the bears were also being fed marijuana.

WTF?!

But wait, there's more!

“Inside the residence there was a large pig roaming around and there was a large raccoon sleeping on the bed,” Corp. Moskaluk said. “Who knows what the raccoon was up to because he was just vegging in the house ... the pig was strolling around the household. He seemed to be a bit more nervous than the raccoon about the police officers’ presence.”

I'm starting to think that this was actually the set of a new sitcom.

Speaking of Mary Jane and Radio 3, here's your indie Canookistani song for teh post:

Clarification for Liberal Leftsists.

Apparently teh leftsist just don't get it. Atrios completely misses the point and then the guy he linked too blows it also.

Puh-leese. As noted by Doctor Zero,

This is not a First Amendment issue...At any rate, denying permission to build a single structure is not equivalent to suppressing the free exercise of religion.

Even if that denial is based solely on the religious nature of the building. You see, what you are all forgetting is that the First Amendment is for Real Americans ONLY. In fact, Obama's support for allowing Muslims the free exercise of religion is, in fact a deadly assault upon the First Amendment.

IF they had only just waited for one of the Escha-minions to explain it to them.

Teh East Coast is Backwards

How did the trip go? Pretty good - thanx 4 asking. Well, at least as good as two days in New Brunswick can get with a sixteen hour work-day stuck in the middle.

First night's dinner was on a patio in Bathurst and there was some sort of outdoor concert playing across the street at the waterfront park. Covers of that old time Rock 'n Roll - a totes serendipitous serenade. But the crowd sucked. I mean even worse than the folks at Bloodstock. Must have been a few hundred that turned out and they had about as much energy as a right blogger post-Cheeto-binge. If I were half the Dragon-King I was twenty years ago, I'd have taken a flamethrower to the place.

Anyways, no visit to New Brunswick is complete without a stop and then rolling backwards up Magnetic Hill.

Unlike Prop Hate, I'm Not Dead

Too many people beg off updating because they're too busy with their real lives. Well not me, no siree - I blame Obama DQIX. If I had sunk half the time into this blog as I did into farming Grubby Bandages off of Mummy Boys, there woulda been a masterwork of genius on this page every fricking day since July 21.

So anywho, here's your update:

SUCK IT HATERS!!!one!

Or to quote teh old white d00d appointed by Republican Bush teh Elder:

Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license...the court concludes that Proposition 8 is unconstitutional.

Enjoy. I'll be outta town teh next coupla days - not that anyone other than the folks at Questers Rest are going to notice.

Sponges Suck

I've been listening to a lot of Radio 3 recently and while it's introduced me to a lot of music I'd never listen to otherwise (but actually in a good way) - it's also reminded me of some forgotten greatness like the Arrogant Worms.


Here's one of the new things I came across - although I'm kinda ashamed that as a resident of LEAFS SUCK, I didn't know about Teh Balconies until after I heard them on Internets Radio.

Soliciting a General

At first, Elena Kagan's nomination troubled me. Her definition of "battlefield" with respect to battlefield law was problematic. On the issues of law, I general defer to those more knowledgeable. While balkinization was full of conflict o f interest in this case, it's pretty much unarguable that replacing Stevens with Kagan moves the Court to the right. So I was skeptical. Even more so when there seemed to be bipartisan support for her. Fuck. You. Bipartisanship.

Anyways, I've changed my mind. And not only because opposing her is pretty much a lost cause at this point. She's demonstrated a n actual sense of humour and identity politics and tribalism dictates that I must stand by her.

But SRSLY, the positions we've seen from her so far (barring a leaked sex video) were from her playing a position as an advocate. Her job at the time she was presenting those arguments was to present arguments favourable to her employer. That isn't to say that nothing can be determined from those arguments, obviously she was sympathetic enough to the authoritarian stances of indefinite detention that she could make those arguments. That still troubles me. It's just that these positions do not necessarily reflect how she personally feels about those issues. That issue of lack of judicial experience and record actually weighs in her favour in this case.

Although it really IS about her having a sense of humour - about being jokingly irreverant during her Senate confirmation hearing. That takes a kind of self-awareness and EPIC chutzpah that I find admirable AND that I personally believe to be antithecial to wingnut-i-tude. For example, imagine Clarence Thomas making some of the cracks that Kagan did.

As for her answer to the Team Edward or Team Jacob question? I'd have swooned if she had answered Dakota Fanning - but I guess you gotta gripe about the Supreme Court nominees that Usurper Hussein X gives you you have and not the one you might want to have.