Homosex Rapture.

How you doing out there?
Ya ever seem to have one of those days where it just seems like you just can’t get your rocks off the way you like?
That despite all your careful planning and hiding from your wife, at the critical moment you just about run outta time.
Happened to me this very day.
Let me tell you about it!

Strutting to the toupee, all dressed up in drag
Protesting Big Gubmint, with my hairy teabag
Landing at the airport, you know that's my cue
I'm gonna meet the boys in stall number two!

Raptured from the boys' room
Raptured from the boys' room
Saint Peter don’t you feel bad about the new rules
But everybody knows that God thinks homosex ain’t cool.

Checkin' out the halls, makin' sure the coast is clear
Lookin' in the stalls, But pretending not to be queer
Oh, my buddy Ted is gonna bring some meth
I’m gonna have the smell of that cop on my breath!

Raptured from the boys' room
Raptured from the boys' room
Saint Peter don’t you feel bad about the new rules
But everybody knows that God thinks homosex ain’t cool.

All right!
Oh, drivin’ home from work or maybe the local bar
Sent off some texts and put on my fur
But at the moment of glory, I was caught up in the act
No sex for devout Christians and that’s my sad fact.

Raptured from the boys' room (oh yes indeed I was)
Raptured from the boys' room
Saint Peter don’t you feel bad about the new rules
But everybody knows that God thinks homosex ain’t cool.

Once more!
Raptured from the boys' room, woah-ho
Raptured from the boys' room,
Raptured from the boys' room,
Raptured from the boys' room,
Now, hear me, I am fully aware of all the rules
And traditions that say that homosex just ain’t cool!


Happy 2-4 eh?

Confession Time: I've been a bad lefty leftsist leftard.  They're doing construction on the commuter rail tracks I normally ride to get to the office.  On the way in it's not too bad, the speed restrictions just mean that I sit on a mostly empty train for twenty extra minutes.  Coming home though, my chances of catching the connecting train is zilch which adds 40 minutes of hanging about Union Station in rush hour to my commute home.  So I've been driving.  No car-pool either, just me, alone in the death-box, burning fossil fuel clear across the city (and, extra, commas, too).

Anyways, that drive basically goes straight across LEAFS SUCK which is usually a shitty shitty drive.  Not this morning though.  Monday is a holiday and a lot of folks have taken today off to stretch it to a four-day break, so traffic was a lot ligher than usual.  Should make up in part for the nightmare that getting home will be, when everybody left in the city takes to the roads to head out for the first cottage week-end of the season.

And on that note, some May 2-4 music (from teh eighties):



On The Road Again

Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina in the wee hours of the morning.  Other than being with my babby girl and her mom.

Anywho, thanks vs for teh shoutout and opening to revel in trite rhymes and bad meter.  Or you can blame SMcGILF (totes heterosexually, of course).

Some snippets:

Poetry, like your mom
Is easy.
Like the storm before the calm,
She rides me.
Your mom is easy.
And we're fornicating.
She is easy.
Easy like Sunday Morning-cating.

Left here for some reason
Perhaps your mom to be pleasin'
Left here for some rhyme
Your dad's ass is sublime,
But what's moar
Yer mom's the whore.

Your father's ass is a popular destination

For sex tourists with a love of degradation.
For the truly depraved, there can be no other,
Except for the whore that's your mother.

Anyways, thanks for the distraction.  I guess this round of insomnia is related to being conditioned to wake at around midnight - but I've a plane to catch in six hours, so I really must sleep.


Mother's Day 2011

I like to think of myself as an expert on moms and AFAIK, teh only thing that moms love almost as much as me is cute videos of cute babbys.  Ultra Ninja has cuteness in overwhelming quantities, almost enough to offset the fact that she also inherited at least some of my dorkiness.  Here she is LARPing:


Dippers, Grits and Tories*

Election Time!

I was going to write something about our retarded First Past Teh Post bullshit system and Proportional Representation and such. Stuff about 40% majorities and snarky comments like "if PR governments are so unstable, explain why we are going to the polls for the fifth time since 2000."

But with the new polls showing Team Orange stomping teh crap out of teh Liberals I've decided to shelve that rant and instead talk about what might be an actually interesting election.

Polls are showing that Jack Layton has a good shot at Leader of the Opposition. Some are even indicating a potential for a NDP-Liberal coalition, in which case we would be looking at Prime Minister Layton. This is a pretty big deal - it would mark the first ever non-Grit or Tory PM. Closest thing before was Meighen back in WWI winning with a Liberal splinter group (a sort of Blue Dog-Gang of n type thing).

And numbers from opinion polling for Canuckian federal elections tended to be in the neighbourhood of +/- 1% in 2006 and 2008**. Still FPTP in Canada with 4 parties at 10% or more - it does some crazy shit to number of seats won despite share of popular vote. Makes teh Electoral College look downright fair and democratic. Not to mention that Canada doesn't have a one-person-one-vote thing and rural voters often have twice as much voting power as anyone else not in Quebec.

Okay, so a couple of points. Firstly, I don't think Layton could do a worse job as PM than Harper has so far - but it ain't gonna happen. Unless the major vote splitting that occurs is that a lotta Conservative voters vote Liberal to keep Layton from becoming Leader of the Opposition and it backfires giving the NDP the plurality of seats - because there is no way that even a dying Liberal party will sign on to be second fiddle in a coalition government.

Secondly - a dying Liberal party really does make things much more interesting here in the Great White North. One of the things that has kept the NDP from gaining seats is that strategic vote-splitting group that see the Liberals as the only alternative to Canada's own Talibangelicals. But if the NDP manages to grab more seats then the primary reason to vote Liberal is gone. No longer will the Red be the logical alternative to the Blue. This changes the electoral map considerably and the reinventing/rebuilding of "Canada's Natural Governing Party" will have to be pretty darned substantial. Popcorn-a-licious-ness!

But that's for further down the road. What of the upcoming session - the one that we're voting on tomorrow? That all depends on whether Harper ekes out his 155th seat. If he does then it'll be dark times ahead. The Conservative Party doesn't give two shits about it's members, and rightly so. The guy they're running in Lethbridge has decided not to give any interviews or participate in any debates. All he does is go around knocking on doors because he is an absolute disaster of a candidate and can't be trusted in front of media. And he will still most likely hold the riding. There will be no questioning of the harper regime and party discipline will be cultishly strict. At least on the moderate end. A lot of the party discipline problems Harper's had is from the far right whackaloons that he's tried to keep reined in to improve his appeal to the mainstream - but with half a decade of majority rule, he won't have to worry as much. So yeah, Conservative majority would be seriously bad shit for Canada - so bad that I'm not going to contemplate it any further.

Here's my prediction then. Conservatives 140, NDP 80, Liberals 60, Bloc 25, Green 2, Independent 1. This is all hoping for strong voter turnout - a return to the 65% neighbourhood it should be in. Also, that the strong turnout is primarily a result of NDP momentum. We'll see tomorrow.

Post election, Iggy steps down - Bob Rae becomes the new Liberal leader. Harper pivots further to the right and portrays his party as the last bulwark against SOCIALISM! Then tries to re-pivot in two years when a looming confidence vote creeps ever nearer and he realizes that non-Albertan Canadians don't respond to SOCIALISM! the way he expects them to. Hilarity ensues.

Anyways - that is a helluva lotta rambling and blathering just to get my seat predictions in, but there's my guess for what tomorrow holds.

* To balance out teh NDP news for McGravitas, Post Title is from a Moxy Fruvous song. Here's an amateur cover version.

** Seriously. I guess Canadians don't lie to pollsters. Here's 2006 and 2008.