Poems About d00ds with PENIS Issues

UPDATE: h/t to T&U for theme and jim for the structure of poem 2.


Hey baby, give me your number,
I’ll send you pics of my lumber,
Saying No would be the meanest
So, Sweetheart show me you’re keenest
To tease the panther from slumber.

Girl, don’t act like you are dumber
You know which pipe needs this plumber
Send me a text and the scene is
Sexily set.

So Sweetcheeks, I need your number.
My pants I will unencumber.
And soon what you’ll be seeing is,
Hi res photos of my PENIS
My thick and juicy cucumber.
Yours Truly, Brett.

Villanelle for a Villain

His was a tiny thing,
So he used his Glock,
In the photo with the red G-string.

He thought he was The King,
With his surrogate cock,
In the photo with the red G-string.

And he’d fap that ding-a-ling,
Into an ankle sock.
His was a tiny thing.

And while he caused suffering,
All his thoughts
Were with the photo of the red G-string.

What if words have no meaning?
His world was rocked,
His was a tiny thing.

So he went on a killing,
Over meaningless talk.
His was a tiny thing
In the photo with the red G-string.

Note: Line 8 in FavRondeau was fixxored after original posting.


vacuumslayer said...

Listen, Dee Kay Dubs...if you want to show me your penis, just show me it. Quit beating around the bush.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Your mom likes it when I beat around her bush.

vacuumslayer said...

Oh, and I get no credit for bringing up the Crocs-fapper in the first place? You wound me, sir.

Smut Clyde said...

What did he wind you around?

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Uh, I didn't wind her around anything, I wound her with my devastating charm. Really turned her crank. Got her ticker going.

Chuck said...

Here's a test comment.

jim said...

Yeah, I snarked on this back in Sadlyland for its lack of (ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY! NO EXCEPTIONS EVAR!) wistful melancholy - because snark waits for no man ... but even a pedantic puppy-kicker like me has to admit, that villanelle is some seriously kick-ass business. Also, bonus points for gratuitous panther-teasing in the line of duty.

It's official: Teh Muse owes you a hummer.

vacuumslayer said...

Smut, the only thing that's being wound around here is DKW...and it's around my little finger.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

It's official: Teh Muse owes you a hummer.

As symbols of artistic inspiration, Muses are mothers to art. So, yeah - I'd totes do one.

...and it's around my little finger.

Shhhh. You're not supposed to say that out loud where I might hear you. Remember plausible deniability &c.