TPM has also done us the favour of highlighting the choice bits in case you were curious about how awful he was but are also smart enough to know not to watch the whole thing. Evan McMorris Santoro was the unlucky bastard at TPM that drew the short straw and compiled that list. And he was assisted with additional reporting by Jillian Rayfield. That makes sense, it takes a hardened individual to be able to do the whole interview without going insane. Fortunately, I'm already a bit crazy. Anyways, let's just dive in and see how things went.
Here's the highlight and the theme - smack dab in the middle.
@ the 4:50 mark, Rand tells us what the best bit of advice he's gotten is
...the most common answer that I've been told to give now when I'm on national TV is - Don't answer the question. Keep repeating some other answer that you want to give.That in mind, let me give you the basic shape of the interview:
Cavuto asks a question.
Rand explains that he was misinterpreted and misunderstood by the biased media. That it seems like there's practically a conspiracy to damage the Tea Party by making him seem to be something he's not.
That's the entire interview. That exchange about a dozen times. And now, because I had to listen to the whole thing, some of it twice - her it is in all its gory details¹
Cavuto's first question: HoLy kEdaDdlin' $#*! Rand, you were like plus 25 and now it's like 8. That's kiddie diddlin' bat arse $#*!.
Rand: Uh, Neil? R U a lie-beral? Frame it right - we're plus 8 or 9!
Cavuto's #2: Maybe it was your racist civil rights act position.
Rand: Okay - first, my local news bashes me and won't let me respond(note - Rand Paul can't do math. He thinks 100,000 - 2 = 98,000). CONSPIRACY! Did you know that Teh Left is mean and rude? They're the ones that you should be hatin' on. Theyère also behind the CONSPIRACY!
Cavuto: You know, it weren't only teh Left that bashed you. Didn't GOP insiders disrespect you and crack wise about yer momma? SRSLY Rand, dinnit McConnel tell you to stay low for a while?
Rand: Pfft. Nuh-uh. (D-KW notes - I suppose that Rand disappeared after that first disastrous week because he was really tired and is now resurfacing two weeks later to do one interview with a friendly network. That's how tired he was.) And the rest of the GOP? Well it's like I was saying - CONSPIRACY! The NYTimes - totally misrepresenting what I said - I mean they weren't quoting me, they were quoting the transcript! CONSPIRACY! They were all lying and pulling nasty tricks like reading letters to the editor that I personally wrote or playing clips of me speaking. Talk about misrepresentation!
Cavuto: OK. SO then, despite all the evidence that has been presented thus far - since my job as a FOX News d00d is to slurp your knob - why don't you clarify your position now that you and your team has had a chance to figure out a strategy for addressing it. Civil Rights Act - yes or no?
Rand: Yes. I've always been in favour of the Civil Rights Act - man it's like you think this war with Oceania is new or something. Look, Boston integrated transit 120 years before we did it in the South - that's wrong. But even more wrong is that folks don't think I support civil rights. I just wanted to open up this one small piece of legislation for discussion, to see what's wrong with it and amend or modify - but not repeal - maybe make it so that business werenèt so overburdened by government. And then suddenly I'm the racist? Unfair.
CUE Magic Moment described way up above. Yup, we're only halfway through.
Cavuto: Awesome Rand. Okay, all those folks were picking on you because you said the government has no place in telling private enterprise not to discriminate based on race. What you say?
Rand: D'uh Neil. We're talking about the Civil Rights Act which says government can do that - so they can do that. I mean no one's questioning it, certainly not me (especially if you ignore my previous answer). But you know what's the worst part about all this? I've given 400 speeches and despite having railed against goverment being too intrusive and binding over private enterprise in 396 of those speeches, despite the fact that all I really wanted to do was discuss what flaws there are in the Civil Rights Act and the Fair Housing Act, and how we can change it to make them better. No one has talked about repeal (at least I haven't been caught on camera doing so yet). Did I mention that it's a CONSPIRACY! By the NYTimes! CONSPIRACY! They totally misinterpreted me! Imagine using the transcript to represent what I said. CONSPIRACY!
Cavuto: Yeah, that sucks. But why did you shake up your staff then?
Rand: You talking to me?
Cavuto: Uh, Rand?
Rand: You talking to me? Well then who the else you talkin' - you talking to me?
Cavuto: Rand. Staff. Shake. Up.
Rand: I didn't shake up my staff. That's an outrageous lie and myth spread by the liberal media CONSPIRACY! We added no one and fired no one. There was no shake-up. My new campaign manager may have said that we'll be adding more talent buy no one's being hired to do that. We are not shaking things up. My old campaign manager got a promotion - that's not a shake-up. My local news - which is part of the CONSPIRACY! - really hurt his feelings. d00d is now a Chairman - he no longer has to deal with the lower level stuff like running the campaign. Shake-up, pffft. You media guys need to be more careful. Not a shake-up.
Cavuto: Okay. We're seven and a half minutes in, so let's get topical. BP. Obama said something about boot heels and you called that un American. Isn't that a bit too far?
Rand: Too far? You bet it's too far. Boot heels indeed. And look, those were Ken Salazar's words so if anyine's guilty of extreme rhetoric it's him. You know, this is all part of the CONSPIRACY! I certainly don't think there should be any boot heels placed on BP's neck and it is the vile media CONSPIRACY that associated me with those words.
Cavuto: How about their ad campaign?
Rand: Love it, and I love BP. BTW, note that Congress limits liability to corporations for oil spills, so if anyone should be accused of loving BP, it's those Democrats in Congress and not me. But I do love BP.
Cavuto: Last Question Bernanke?
Rand: Hate him. What type of idiot thinks that you ought to increase government spending during recessions? That is just dumb.
Cavuto: Well thanks soon-to-be-Senator Paul. That was just Rand.
¹ Theres probably a bit of Bobblespeak Translations influence in this but I really am trying to do my own thing here.