Speaking of Fail

Four days ago, Irky Irksome closed out a post with this:

Besides, in the face of a crushing defeat to Scozzafava, we can be a bit magnanimous

Crushing defeat.  Crushing.  Defeat.

Republican candidate Dede Scozzafava has announced that she is suspending her campaign, citing an inability to win in light of recent polls and a lack of money

BWAHAhaHAHahhaHAHaHAHHahahahhaHAHahahHA!

Posted Without Comment

Fail.

Pajamöller’s Tale

First they came for communists, and we cheered!

Then they came for the socialists, and we cheered!
Then they came for the trade unionists, and we cheered!
Then they came for the Islamofascist hordes, and we cheered!
Then they came for any brown folks that had slightly Islamic sounding names, and we cheered!
Then they came for the remaining brown folks, especially the dirty messican illegals, and we cheered!
Then they came for Teh Ghey, and we cheered!
Then they came for single mothers, and we cheered!
Then they came for women with jobs, and we cheered!
Then they came for everyone who ever voted Democratic, and we cheered!
Then they came for anybody Roger Simon didn’t recognize on sight as a good conservative, and we cheered!
WOLVERINES!!!!!

h/t Ted the Slacker

Not the one with Chris Rock

Substance McGravitas informs me that my namesake, Dragon King Wangchuck has been named the third hottest head of state by some goofball named J.D. Dobson.

Really J.D.?  Really?
Let me ask you this, what does it take to be number one?
Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers.
I. Am. Number. One.
Don't matter if you like
Here, sit down and write it.

Hell, number two ain't even a head of state - Jens Stoltenberg is a Prime Minister, Harald V is the King.  Oh wait, you guys have got something to say about that.

One of the worst things about the internet is the anonymity it provides a certain class of individuals to spew their hateful, offensive speech. Specifically: nerds.

Umm, hate to break this to you guys but you're blogging about the relative hot-ness of heads of state.  On the internet.  Nerds = you.  And before you put on your "I WIN" shirt, yes - I'm blogging about you blogging about Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck so I'm a nerd too.  But the difference is I'm not the one castigating nerds as "a certain class of people".  PROTIP, all your readers?  Reading about heads of state on the internerd?  Nerds.

Maybe you missed our FAQs where we sarcastically professed ignorance about this.

I appreciate that you're supposed to be some sort of humour site.  PROTIP #2, if you have to tell people you're being sarcastic - U R DOIN IT RONG.

Here's the thing, yeah I laughed a couple times reading your site - but it struck me as such a wasted opportunity.  Because your list is obviously glaringly factually wrong.  It's not funny in the "well there's a deep and penetrating insight phrased in a remarkably humourous fashion" but more along the lines of yelling "PENIS" for no obvious reason.

I mean, you obviously put some time and effort into this thing - you've got 192 172 (UPDATE: you'd think it would be easy to count them since they're numbered...) countries on your list, finding pictures for all of them probably took more effort than you're willing to admit.  You've already put in the "lot of work", and you decide to throw it all away with blatantly incorrect garbage.  You could spike your blog with comedic gems that sparkle with the mirth of drunken angels, but if those jokes are on a page claiming that Gordon Brown is the head of state for the UK, it's not gonna get the laughs.  PROTIP #3, no one is going to think you're particularly witty if it seems like you are unaware of the existence of THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND.

And anyways, Dragon King Wangchuck is fucking HAWT.  Dragon.  King.  Wangchuck. 
There ain't no topping that
'cept with a Dragon Crown Hat.
So lurn 2 play J.D. Dobbie
Put some thought into your hobby
And shut down that Tymoshenko lobby.
He is a Dragon, He is a Man, He's a Dragon-Man
Dragon.  King.  Wangchuck.  Accept no substitutions (except me of course)

In Praise of Fox News

Well, well - another stretch of no posts.  Interspersed with my whining about not getting any comments.  FFS, if I'm not going to bother writing here, why the hell should anyone else?

Anyways, I'm just going on record here to proclaim my undying adoration of Sith Lord Dark Hottiest.  Also, since it's been a while since I posted, I can use this opportunity to crib a bit wholesale.

Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years,
Rocking my peers and puttin' suckas in pH33r.
Dontcha nevah evah pull my lever, 'cause I exploooode
And my nine is easy to load.

Manic Post Partisan Depression

Harold Myerson gets it right.  Eugene Robinson gets it exactly right.  Ruth Marcus gets it so very wrong.

Myerson:

Fundamentally, it's a statement of gratitude for America opting to end the Bush years, spare the world a continuation of Republican belligerent provincialism, and rejoin the reality-based community of nations.

Yes Harold, the award should go to the American electorate for turning their backs so very emphatically on the dark and harrowing years of conservative grhhhargleblargle9-11!RAWWWRRR-a-blart.  Except that you morans were the ones that caused this mess in the first place.  And don't give me no guff about how Chimpy never actually won any elections, 49% of you voted for him in 2000, and then even more of you did the same thing in 2004 after you got a taste of his incompetent and damaging "strong leadership".

But that's okay.  You managed to figure it out - taking neo-cons out of the policy-making levels of the world's remaining superpower is a huge step forward for peace.

Robinson:

Others say the award is “premature.” Okay, I can see that argument, but the Nobel committee apparently considered Obama’s redirection of American foreign policy toward multilateralism a groundbreaking accomplishment. The committee, it seems, thought that for the most powerful national leader in the world to embrace international cooperation and envision a world no longer menaced by nuclear weapons was a giant step forward. I can see that argument, too. In fact, I think I agree with it.

This.  If only he added that the "redirection" isn't an easy thing, then it would have been perfect.  Because, make no mistake, simple and plainly obvious things like actually attempting diplomacy instead of labelling random countries "evil" and building up military presence at their borders - that is frowned upon in the USA.  I mean, in the name of the Invisible Pink Unicorn (blessed be her unsee-able obviousness) - the US is still a country where "anti-war" is used as an insult.  Truth of the matter is that America has an intensely  bloodthirsty militaristic culture.  War, and all that goes with it is glorified and held in high esteem.  Negotiating, talking and not immediately reaching for your biggest gun is seen as "ghey" or naive or traitorous or, more likely, all of the above.

Marcus:

Please. This turns the award into something like pee-wee soccer: everybody wins for trying.

Yes Ruth.  Because pursuing peaceful resolutions is so very easy in the US.  Because America is so very supportive of not bombing people.

Obama gets the award for, what, a good nine months? Or maybe a good two weeks -- the nominations were due Feb. 1.

 Well, nominations and final decisions don't happen at the same time, that "two weeks" talking point is a clear attempt to misdirect people.  But I'm feeling generous and I'll let that slide.  Let's take your obviously false premise as true and run with it.  What the hell did Obama do in two weeks that earned him a Nobel Peace Prize?

HE REPLACED THE ADMINISTRATION OF GEORGE W. BUSH.

Pull your head out of your ass long enough to recognize this: George W. Bush and his administration was the single-most destabilizing force in the world.  His idea of international co-operation was recess appointing John Bolton as your Ambassador to the UN.  Saber-rattling wasn't the default position of that Administration, it was their concession position after realizing that they probably couldn't get away with yet another regime changing invasion.  Nevermind the attitude taken towards international agreements, refusals to ratify measures the rest of the world thought beneficial for global peace and prosperity - those things pale before the fact that for years, the US military had more kills than the rest of the armed forces in the world combined.  And that a lot of people in the US are proud of that, some of them writing in the very same space as you *cough*Bill Kristol*cough*.

Well anyways - let's "look forwards not back" and see what else you have to offer:

If the Nobel Committee ran out of worthy candidates, it might have engaged in a bit of recycling. Nothing wrong with a second prize to Aung San Suu Kyi (1991).

WTF?!?!  You spent the entire column complaining about how Obama hasn't achieved anything yet, about how pre-mature it is to give him any awards, about how his winning the Nobel Peace Prize is "ridiculous" - and your suggestion is to go with a second Nobel to Aung San Suu Kyi?

I don't mean to say anything negative about the dear aunt, but do you even recognize how incredibly stupid what you're saying is?  It's your position that the prize should go to someone for their achievements - not for "just trying".  And while bringing democracy to Myanamar is a noble and worthy goal - Aung San hasn't quite achieved that, now has she?  Seriously, I respect her for her principled stand and her perserverence to her convictions, but I can't even begin to see how you could argue that a second Peace Prize for her would be about "doing, not being".

Open Letter to Stephen Stromberg

Stephen Stromberg:


Your post was a nice attempt at snarky satire, but d00d, you share space with Krauthammer. The angry comments left on your post? From folks who didn't realize you were joking - because your fucking column is in Fred Hiatt's Op-Ed nightmare-scape, right next to Bill "Always Wrong, All The Time" Kristol.

Yours Sincerely,
Dragon-King Wangchuck

Actual Thoughts About Obama's Peace Prize.

I'm not going to linger too long on the conservative reaction.  That's being handled quite nicely all around the blogosphere.  Heck even the DNC is calling it out.

So, instead of taking this opportunity to point and laugh at rightboogers and wingnutso whackaloons, I'm going to look at the Prize itself.  The Nobel Institute weblinks are gummed up like trying to shove race-horses down a series of tubes right now, so here's a TPM link with text from Oslo.

The citation mentions "a new climate in international politics".  There's some other stuff about nuclear disarmament, climate change and human rights - but that's just window dressing.  Those are things that the Nobel Institute has been flogging for quite some time.  If they could have squeezed in something about refugees they would have.

No, the real reason Obama is getting this thing is for turning the BushCo ship around.  John Miller's Op-Ed I cited in the last Sunday Audition notwithstanding, Bush's America was seen by the world as a rogue nation.  One that invaded other countries seemingly at random, kidnapped people from all around the world and disappeared them into torture camps, and accused anyone upset with that sort of behaviour as being terrorist sympathizers.

Ha-ha jokes the Twitterer formerly known as Wonkette, Obama's getting the award for not being George W. Bush.  Yup, that's right.  He's getting the award for deposing the regime of a power-mad authoritarian cult leader.  For replacing a psychopathically deluded egomaniacal idiot at the seat with the BIG RED BUTTON.

So laugh all you want about how "pre-mature" it is to award the prize to him, about how he "hasn't achieved anything yet".  But those of us living in places "not-yet-bombed-to-the-stone-age-for-Democracy" know that Obama's biggest and most important achievement is in keeping the office of the Commander-in-Chief of the most powerful military in the world as far as possible away from Bill Kristol et al.

The Nobel Prize for Blogwhoring

I figured I ought to write something new, for folks clicking through from Sadly, No!

PENIS.

Open Letter to Ann Leary

Dear Anne Leary,

I humbly crave your indulgence in sending you this mail, if the contents does not meet with your personal and business ethics, I appologise in advance.

I am Dragon-King Wangchuck, the TRUEauthor of Dreams From My Father. When I originally wrote the biography for Barauch Hussein Stalin Obama Soetero X, he was merely a law student who happened to have a good connection for primo weed. With the advent of the new totalitarian autocratic state of the Obamanation in the country under the leadership of the Kenyan USURPER, I have come under severe threat of eradication (see OBAMA DEATH LIST, &c.) due to the sensitive position I had in authoring his seminal biography.

The main purpose of this letter is to intimate you of a business proposal that might be of interest to you. Royalties from Dreams From My Father are in excess of several millions of your US dollars, every year. Additionally with the Obama PROPAGANDA SQUADS spreading brainwashing throughout the country, sales can only increase, indicating towards future royalties of even greater riches. Unfortunately, just as Baraque Hussein Osama Lenin Soetero X usurped the Oval Office, he has also stolen my due rewards.

Here is the proposal, I do have in my possession certain audio-tapes that I used in my interviews with the future usurping president that incontrovertibly prove my authorship of Dreams From My Father, as well as statements he made whilst in the grip of the DEMON WEED that indicate his true nature (hint: rhymes with Will Khitey!).

Unfortunately I now longer have the audio-tapes at hand, as they were absconded with by a former intimate acquaintance after an acrimonious domestic dispute. I have been informed that all of the possessions I had that were taken from me during the split will be returned once I make up my share of the back rent owing. Sadly, this amount of money is beyond my current ability. What is needed for the execution of this endeavour is immediate amounts of liquidity, preferably in small unmarked bills. The current amount is ten thousand dollars, but is increasing as time goes on.

I have attempted to contact you since you are a famously well-known and highly regarded conservative blogger and have both great interest in revealing the fraudulent nature of the current occupant of the highest ofice in the land. Additionally, it is clear that your obvious levels of success indicate great business acumen. I propose that upon recipt of the outstanding back-rent and recovery of the audio-tapes, I shall immediately file suit to recover my stolen royalties which I will share with you 50-50. Additionally, I will mae available to you any copies of the audio-tapes that you desire, for the purpose of spreading the truth about Barkadia Hussein Jong Il Soetero X. Should this proposition be of interest to you, you can reach me through my e-mail address thus; dkwangchuck@gmail.com so that we can go through the rudiments of this enterprise.
I remain most obliged.

Dragon-King Wangchuck

My Olympic Failure

New Sunday Audition up, back to the original style of writing for Fred Hiatt.  My biggest regret about it is I didn't manage to get Kenneth Gladney into the piece.

Sunday Audition: Obama's Olympic Failure

One of the things that I think is most valuable about sports is that you can play a great game and still not win. - President Barack Obama, on finding that his home town of Chicago was dropped from contention for the 2016 Olympic Games.

With the sting of yet another bitter defeat scarring his presidency, Barack Obama issued those words of consolation to millions of disappointed followers.

Despite the wide-spread notion that the Obama presidency would usher in a new era of international good will and improved views of the United States in the rest of the world, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) rejected Chicago and America in the strongest possible way.  On Friday, the IOC eliminated Chicago - despite last minute pleading from Obama himself, in the first round of voting.

Indeed, opinions of the United States around the world are mediocre at best.  A New York Times Op-Ed points out that George W. Bush, who is often portrayed as a man who damaged America's reputation abroad, had similar levels of international approval for America during the second year of his presidency.  In fact, at this point in time in Bush's presidency, America was experiencing a global outpouring of sympathy and support.  Obama has clearly squandered all that good will in such a very short time in office.

It is Obama's wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, not to mention the gross violations of human rights that Obama has implemented against detainees that is marring public opinion of the US.  Additionally, Obama's incredibly inept handling of the US economy has pushed the world into a global recession - economic doldrums that are clearly the fault of the man in the Oval Office.

It is with that backdrop where Obama uttered his statement, echoing the Olympic creed "The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well."  But looking at the facts, it is clear that Obama did not fight well, that he did not play a great game - and that is why he lost.

It come as no surprise that the world has rejected Obama.  Everyone loves a winner, and in the selection of the host for the 2016 Games, the winner had to be a city that everyone loves.  But no one loves Obama's America - his heavy-handed mis-step laden teleprompter presidency has seen to that.

No, the real consolation in this affair is that even though the world has rejected Obama and Chicago, at least it didn't reject the Real America of the Heartland.  This international rebuke wasn't targeted at the regular everyday Americans that have to deal with Obama's grossly inept Administration, but just the coastal elites in their ivory towers of xenophobia.  And the comfort we can draw knowing that hordes of foreigners won't be flooding into America to claim refugee status or disappear into the shadowy crime-filled world of illegal immigration.

The Peter Principle

PENIS.