I Can't Believe They Didn't Go With The Girl Who Successfully Punched A Shark In The Face

Most of y'all probably don't want to bear with me on this post.  It is purely for my own indulgence.

Earlier this week, G4's AOTS announced their new permanent co-host, Candace Bailey.  She'll be replacing Olivia Munn who you may have seen as the new Asian Correspondent on The Daily Show.

Fan reaction has been predictable - G4 is a niche station and AOTS has a cultish following, so it's no surprise that Team Haislip has freaked the fuck out about this.  We're talking nerd-drama on the Han Shot First scale.  And people who care about the killing of Greedo, that's basically the core audience of AOTS, so this is a pretty bad decision.

It's not that Candace Bailey sucks or anything.  Her first few shows were pretty brutal, but she picked up the pace and tone of the program pretty quickly.  The problem is that she's not really a gamer - and the show is done live so good scripting is going to cover her disconnect from the audience only so far.

Olivia wasn't a gamer either and certainly Candace has the potential to be as funneh as the Munn, but Olivia has something that Candace doesn't.  Unmitigated sex appeal.  Olivia Munn is hawt in ways that make people feel funny in their pants, Candace Bailey instead is cute as a button.  It doesn't quite compare.

Actually, the show has been essentially test driving a series of young women for co-hosting duties including a bunch of non-gamers.  And while Candace is the least sexy of the bunch, she was probably the best choice from that group in that she has the ability to do more than just have nice tits.  So G4 could easily have made a worse decision.

The problem is that they didn't pick one of the actual gamers they could have - or at least someone steeped in gamer culture.  Milynn Sarley is the real deal and would have been a great choice.  Then there's Chobot.  Holy fucking shit would that have worked fantastically well.  I suspect that more than half of AOTS' audience has already masturbated to fantasies about Jessica Chobot.  Actually, I suspect that more than half of AOTS' audience is currently masturbating to fantasies about Jessica Chobot.  Either of these two would have been better choices for the gig.  Unless you have the same feelings about masturbation that Christine O'Donnell has.  Incidentally, if you are a gamer who somehow doesn't know who Chobot is, then make sure no one is going to walk into the room you'll be masturbating in and look her up.  Unless you have a thing about being walked in on whilst masturbating - in which case, make sure you get consent from the walker-in person first.

But the real injustice of it all is that they didn't even ask Alison if she wanted a break from living out of a suitcase.  The page announcing the decision is probably the most commented on thing on all of G4 and almost all of the comments are about Alison Haislip.  I mean yeah, you're going to get sour grapes from folks who had their own favourites that they wanted to win - but in this case, everyone's favourite was the same person.

Picking Candace Bailey over Alison Haislip is a huge mistake and grossly unfair.  And not just unfair in the whole Alison Wuz R0BBERED sense, but now Candace is saddled with this metric assload of bad feelings and disappointment.  What a great way to start a new hosting gig!

But the important point is that Alison Was Robbed.  It's fucking bullshit, that's what it is.  They should just can AOTS completely and have Alison on the air from 7 to 8 pm weekdays doing what the fuck ever crosses her mind.  Because seriously, if the G4 demo loves anyone - it's Alison Haislip.

P.S. Alison Haislip RULES!

Update - as MB has pointed out, a post about a whole bevy of young teevees ladies really is screaming for a messload of pics.  Well since we're talking teevees (niche cable channel variety) we can do one better with the moving pictures.

Here's the new host, Candace Bailey:

Here's a girl with Big Tits in a superhero costume, who has been on Gutfeld's Red Eye show on Fox and thus probably knows Patti Ann Browne:

Milynn Sarley is TheGamerChick on YouTube.  Here's a compilation of her AOTS clips:

No vids for Chobot.  She is easy to find on teh weebles, and if I start searching for her I may end up with chafing.  Well, even more chafing.

And something that I'm sure will please all of my lie-beral anti-military terrorist-sympathizing brethren, Alison Haislip totes PWNing teh US Military:


M. Bouffant said...

If you can climb off whoever's mater for a moment, may I humbly suggest adding photographs of the meat puppets in question. It makes it easier for an old coot like me to follow the discussion. (And brings strangers by.)

And I'd publicly like to thank gamers & furries for allowing me to enjoy a bit of self-esteem in my dotage. Thanks, kids!

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Hope the moving pictures helps you sort out the big pile of girls.

re: strangers
I'm totes cool with being a negligible traffic blog. If folks other than Sadlynaught miscreants were to visit, I might feel inclined to moderate my commentary about their mothers. But tucked away as I am in this dark little corner of the tubes, I can be as monstrously trolly as I please.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Oh, Alison, oh Alison,
I just want to get my phallus in

Should I rethink my "no T.V." lifestyle?

Nah gonna do it.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

It's not really a sex thing with Alison. If it were just about inducing boners, Candace and Alison aren't that far apart (heh heh, possibly in a tub full of Jell-O, heh heh). They're both more cute than sexy. If it were only that the choices would be Chobot or Michelle Nunes.

re: "No T.V. lifestyle"

I don't have cable or sattelite. The teevee is there for the Wii and DVDs. I watch AOTS the way it was meant to be watched - on the intartubulartrons.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I guess this is central to your point, wherever it is, DKW?

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Mmmmm, Chobot.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Sadlynaught miscreants

Hey now.

Anonymous said...

CANDACE BAILEY SUCKS, her bubble gum pop crap and i'm too good and sweet for you attitude is going to bring down aots. All she cares about is a paycheck and nothing else. All she does is read off a teleprompter, poorly too, even the banter is written down and read oFf the teleprompter for her.
Should of been either Haislip, Webb or at the worst Chobot for co host. Bailey and Underwood should of never been considered and should have nothing to do with this show

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

While it is most definitely TRUE that ALISON WAS ROBBED, I think our Anonymous commenter may have been a bit harsh on Ms. Bailey. She's a lot smoother now than last year, but still not a grate co-host. Also, Kevin seems to be "working too hard" to make up for it. The show definitely has some feeling of being "forced". But it's still the first month. Plus it's a niche cable show so there's no need for instant results.

I still think that Candace was the best of the non-gamers* they had.


*not saying that she doesn't game, just that she's not part of the "gamer culture" - at least not yet.