UPDATE: I'm never going to be able to take this seriously.
Okay. Here we go - first thing, please take notice of the extremely high production values that went into this thing. First thing we get are credits, kinda like how all the really important movie credits like starring and directed by, etc. get put at the beginning of the flick. Only everything's centred on a blank background, kinda like the credits at the end of a movie. It's totally cinematic, the only thing that would have increased dramatic tensions more would have been to do the whole thing in Trajan¹. Anyways, you can tell you're in for an awesome presentation when the first five (or so - #3 and #7 are missing/blank) slides are just different people's names and titles/affiliations. W00T - you go Bethesda, MD Team 100 Chairman!
Okay - down to the nitty gritty. Since GOPpers are conservatives, what they're really concerned about is what the heck is the RNC doin' with the money. Hence the subtitle (How We Spend Your Money) on the first actual slide. And How Do They Spend Your Money? Hint: They never show how they spend the money, I guess the speaker is supposed to go over that with just this title slide in the background.
BTW, it's a lotta money. A lot of lot of loot. We're talking 14 figures.
$81,255,000 million. Or $81,255,000,000,000. Or enough to pay back the entire US National Debt (and we're talking the new elevated socialism Obama debt) over five thousand times! That's pretty fucking amazing. Or maybe it's a typo (see earlier comment regarding production values).
Okay, then a lot patting-ourselves-on-the-back for Virginia, Jersey and Playboy Brown. No mention of NY-23 - in fact no whiff of teabags anywhere in the document. Perhaps the speaker was expected to earn teabagger sympathies by revealing his scrotum or something - the Presentation Notes weren't included.
But not looking forward, not backwards - 2010 seats in play apparently include 41 Republican Senators. OMFG! It appears that the obstructionistic tendencies of the GOP senate caucus is so powerful that they are all resigning their seats and all up for re-election this year! If that's not a major story then I don't know what is (or it could be another example of them exemplary production values I was mentioning earlier). Oh and as a bit of extra info for those of us who are astounded by how badly Republicans interpret polls:
23% of Self-Identified Voters are Republican
Then we get a double title page. That RNC is awesome - not one, but two consecutive title pages right in the middle of the presentation². Perhaps this is meant to forewarn the audience - a "jump-the-shark" moment. Because this thing goes downhill from this point.
Putting the Fun Back in FUNdraising
Tchotchkes!!!!!!!!!
Hearts and flowcharts³
Save the country from trending towards Socialism!
OMFG, Obama as the Joker and American Gothic a la Reid & Pelosi.
You know, that last point, the slide titled The Evil Empire - that's what a lotta the fuss is about, which is lucky for the RNC. Two slides earlier they lay out their plan to build support for the GOP - Fear and Reactionary response related to Extreme negative feelings toward Administration Issue/circumstantially oriented. IOW, teh RNC plans on using fear and hate to squeeze $$$ from teh rubes. Also, for teh Big Money donors it's Ego-Driven and Access. So, if you're an RNC fundraiser faced with someone with deep pockets, stroke their egos and sell access. Yup, sounds like the GOP to me.
Is that an unfair statement? Is accusing the RNC - the political leadership of the party of Abramoff - of influence peddling too much? I mean we are talking about one word in a messed-up slide that's hard to understand in the first place. Well, the very next slide, the penultimate before Cruella de Ville and Scooby Doo is titled "What can you sell when you do not have the White House, the House or the Senate...?"
Okay, the next major chunk is really just a pile of RNC insidery shit, so I'm gonna let you (and me) off of trudging through it - but it's another interesting point that the last slide is titled "RNC v. FEC". Hahaha, LOL - they're actively promoting breaking FEC regs! LOL!
Well, not really. If only it were just that. It's a reference to this case where the RNC wants the BCRA declared unconstitutional. That's the Bi-Partisan Campaign Reform Act or McCain-Feingold. So when the RNC has to decide whether it prefers the positions of their last candidate for President or those of industry lobbyists - we know where they stand. And they'll file an Immediate appeal to U.S. Supreme Court if necessary. AWESOME.
¹I'm not a typeface expert, heck I ain't even an ace KERNER (who ARE GO!) but this looks like Goudy Old Style (warning: link is to M$) to me. Imagine my delight to discover something called Goudy Trajan.
²Actually 24of72. Also a tip of the hat to that second title page - Tools For Success - that says a whole helluva lot more than was intended.
³And we all know how awesome the GOP is with flowcharts.
3 comments:
If there's one thing I hate more than typeface geeks, it's overuse of Zapf Palatino.
Zapf Palatino is the Comic Sans of Typeface Fascism.
I wanted Goudy Trajan but they asked for my payment information for a free download. I still want it, actually, but dasn't take it.
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